Saturday, January 3, 2009

Ok, I’d like to keep my posts this year a little more upbeat and positive, but this one is just going to make me crazy, so it’s gonna have to come out. Awhile back, someone I thought knew me pretty well encouraged me to take a path that, in all honesty, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to even consider. I had all sorts of arguments against the path, but my friend, X was persistent, and actually, the path sort of came to me, relatively independently. Pretty quickly, I revised my thoughts about it, and it has brought me a great deal of joy, and frankly, taught me some things about myself. Overall, I think it’s a good path for me, despite some bumps along the way. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, X has decided that it’s not a good path for me and that I need to just give it up and find another one. I realize that X, like the rest of my friends, wants what is best for me, however, considering that X has spent virtually no time with me in person along this path. Sure we talk on the phone, but unlike this time last year (well before my current path was part of my world) when we spent time together every single week, without fail, in the last, oh, 6 months or so, we’ve seen each other less than 10 times in total. Now, before anyone gets in a twist about the reasons things have changed or about jealousy or whatever, my frustration has nothing to do with hisher path, because while it works for himher, I know that it couldn’t work for me, and that’s fine. I am pretty sure that X believes my situation to be the same as a situation that s/he was in a year or so ago, but what s/he doesn’t get is that, well, it is NOT the same. Sure there are some similarities, but in other ways it’s very different. Sure s/he has heard a good bit of frustration and tears along those bumps, but s/he seems not to remember the joyful times. I have reached a point that I feel I can’t even talk about something that I believe has had a hugely positive impact on my life with one of my closest friends, because s/he is going to tell me, yet again “I just don’t think this is the right path for you, maybe you need to give it up and look for another path.” I don’t freakin’ WANT to look for another path. Hell, I wasn’t even really looking when this one found me. I mean, sure we all sort of watch all the time, but there’s a difference between actively looking, and just going on your merry way without worrying about it. I had reached a place in my life that I was in a good place, not a perfect one, by any means, but a good one, and I was generally happier than I had been, probably in most of my life. Out of the blue, seemingly randomly, the path opened up to me. Again, not perfect, but good, and good for and to me. It’s not an easy path, particularly, but it’s been good all the way around, I think. It is frustrating that someone who calls him/herself my friend would be a little more supportive of what s/he started in the first place. Ok, that’s the end of my rant for today.

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