I just don't understand

how anyone manages to get a job in the internet age. I have submitted literally HUNDREDS of resumes and applications. I have had a grand total of, well, let's count them up here, 2 phone interviews, one of which led to an in-person interview, and a whopping 7 in-person interviews, including the one I already mentioned as coming after the phone interview, and counting the 2 I had for a position that was apparently not ever intended to be permanent, though they led me to believe that it was. I have submitted resumes and made phone calls to every reputable staffing/temp agency in the area. Yeah, I actually managed to get in to see ONE of them, now they won't call me back, or answer emails. Even the ones with whom I spoke with a person, I couldn't get an appointment to go in and speak to someone or do performance testing. TX Workforce has told me that I MUST consider positions that pay 25% less than what I was making, which was about 20% below the average according to every salary calculator I can find, INCLUDING THEIR OWN. Frankly, the TX Workforce job board hasn't done SHIT for me, except get me a job for 6 days, which I was led to believe was a PERMANENT position. I have completed my profile as completely as possible, including all of my experience, regardless of whether or not it is in my current field. If I'm lucky, on any given day, I get 3 'MATCHES', and my browse pulls up 75 jobs within a hundred mile radius. The 'matches' are actually jobs that are allegedly within my skill set, however more often than not, instead of an "accounting/billing clerk" they are looking for a CPA. UMM, yeah NOT a match. Or they are 90 miles away. The browse feature pulls up 75 jobs, and guess what? 60 or more of them are VETERANS ONLY. WTF? My profile clearly states that I am NOT a veteran, so why are these included? Take out the ones that are more than 30 miles (and thus over an hours commute by car), and I'm down to maybe 5. Take out the ones that are for legal or medical secretaries, accountants, HR generalists, and other specific administrative support positions, and well, if I'm lucky, there is ONE option left for me to apply for. I have put in applications at the area grocery stores, big box stores, and various other retail outlets. You have NO IDEA how tired I am of hearing "we aren't actually hiring right now, but we'll keep your application on file"! Every time I think I am past being angry about this whole situation, something pops up that has been part of my normalcy, but now it can't be, since I don't have a fucking job, and I can't collect fucking unemployment because someone LIED about how things were handled, and the state believed them! I realize that the anger doesn't hurt anyone except me, and I really am trying to get past it, but a person can only take so much rejection before they start really taking it personally. I realize that it is not my place to judge other people, and that sending negativity out into the world does not do anyting except increase negativity, but sometimes I really hope that what comes around goes around, and those who wronged me will eventually suffer something that leaves them feeling as lost and desperate as I have begun to. I recognize that I have awesome friends who love me and give me all the support that they can, and I am unbelievably grateful for that. I have had to seriously re-evaluate a lot of my relationships this year, and while I have always known that in general, I don't have a lot of friends who are the friend to me that I am to them, admitting to the fact that several of them I've long considered to be relatively equally give/take relationships are really not, no matter what I try to delude myself into believing. Over the weekend, I had my first birthday party in many years. Certainly the first since I've been grown, that wasn't hosted by me. There are 3 of us who have birthdays within 6 days. A large group of us had a plan to go to Middlefaire on Sunday, it's last day of the season. Unfortunately, rains came on Friday and Saturday that turned the parking lot and festival site into a major mud pit, and Saturday evening they decided to cancel Sunday's festivities. Already planned for after faire, was a birthday dinner, hosted by the birthday boy's parents, for the 3 of us. In the end, we spend the day with most of the originally planned group in Weatherford and then went to the dinner party afterwards. God bless MJ, for remembering my food sensitivities and making sure that in addition to her seafood gumbo there were a couple of other soup options, plus chicken salad, fresh fruit, tossed salad, and A-MAZ-ING pimento cheese bread! This coming weekend I would dearly LOVE to be going to TRF for opening, and to see my favorite Bard, Marc Gunn, as I've done for the last couple of years. But OH NO, I got screwed out of my job, and out of unemployment benefits, so I can't justify spending the $ to go, even to ride down with someone else and use a discount ticket. I'm sure I'll have a fine time out at Screams, with the crew up here that's doing that instead of TRF, using a free ticket, but it still makes me angry that I've had to make all the adjustments I've had to make, over some bullshit

AGAIN???

*SIGH* I've not posted in over a week for a couple of reasons. Mostly, it's because I hate to be negative all the time, and right now, I've been feeling VERY negative of late. I really thought that the job I started on the 3rd would be something I could do long term, though there were a couple of quirky things that are probably a bigger deal to me than to many other people just because of my quirks. In total, I worked 6 days, 2 days theat first week, and 4 the following week, which included Labor Day Monday and the office was closed. On friday afternoon, when I came back from lunch, and finished a coupole of things I was working on, the President of the company came out and told me that they had decided that this just wasn't going to work out. I asked if there was a specific reason, and the response was "when we hired you, we had specific expectations, and those just aren't being met." WHAT THE FUCK??? Every day I was there, I completed everything that was in my inbasket to be completed. I have no idea what I wasn't doing to their satisfaction, and they were apparently not inclined to give me specific information about it. I did nothing to mislead them about my experience, I was open and honest about the fact that my direct experience putting the information into the accounting program and doing that end of the processing of payables and receivables, as well as job costing, was several years old. I guess their learning curve is 5 days or less. In retrospect, I've come to the conclusion that it was NEVER a permanent position being offered. They never asked me for references. It's frankly a position that could be handled by 1 full time accounting person, rather than a full time receptionist/accounting assistant and a part-time accounting person. On the one hand, I respect and admire the decision to only work 2 days in the office and the other 3 from home, while caring for toddler twins, but on the other hand, if you are unwilling to delegate responsibility to an assistant, then you need to be in the office more than those 2 days. At any rate, I'm back on the hunt AGAIN, and am hoping that something will come through soon, before I'm too far behind to get caught back up again.

Ok, I’d like to keep my posts this year a little more upbeat and positive, but this one is just going to make me crazy, so it’s gonna have to come out. Awhile back, someone I thought knew me pretty well encouraged me to take a path that, in all honesty, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to even consider. I had all sorts of arguments against the path, but my friend, X was persistent, and actually, the path sort of came to me, relatively independently. Pretty quickly, I revised my thoughts about it, and it has brought me a great deal of joy, and frankly, taught me some things about myself. Overall, I think it’s a good path for me, despite some bumps along the way. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, X has decided that it’s not a good path for me and that I need to just give it up and find another one. I realize that X, like the rest of my friends, wants what is best for me, however, considering that X has spent virtually no time with me in person along this path. Sure we talk on the phone, but unlike this time last year (well before my current path was part of my world) when we spent time together every single week, without fail, in the last, oh, 6 months or so, we’ve seen each other less than 10 times in total. Now, before anyone gets in a twist about the reasons things have changed or about jealousy or whatever, my frustration has nothing to do with hisher path, because while it works for himher, I know that it couldn’t work for me, and that’s fine. I am pretty sure that X believes my situation to be the same as a situation that s/he was in a year or so ago, but what s/he doesn’t get is that, well, it is NOT the same. Sure there are some similarities, but in other ways it’s very different. Sure s/he has heard a good bit of frustration and tears along those bumps, but s/he seems not to remember the joyful times. I have reached a point that I feel I can’t even talk about something that I believe has had a hugely positive impact on my life with one of my closest friends, because s/he is going to tell me, yet again “I just don’t think this is the right path for you, maybe you need to give it up and look for another path.” I don’t freakin’ WANT to look for another path. Hell, I wasn’t even really looking when this one found me. I mean, sure we all sort of watch all the time, but there’s a difference between actively looking, and just going on your merry way without worrying about it. I had reached a place in my life that I was in a good place, not a perfect one, by any means, but a good one, and I was generally happier than I had been, probably in most of my life. Out of the blue, seemingly randomly, the path opened up to me. Again, not perfect, but good, and good for and to me. It’s not an easy path, particularly, but it’s been good all the way around, I think. It is frustrating that someone who calls him/herself my friend would be a little more supportive of what s/he started in the first place. Ok, that’s the end of my rant for today.

Frustration Mounts

So, here I am, 5 days until I have the surgery I've wanted for about 5 years now. My doctor told me back in the summer that I could have it, and I purposely scheduled it for as close to Christmas as possible, simply because it's not usually a super-busy time at work, and we are closed for 2.5 days the week of Christmas, and 2.5 days the week of New Years, so I won't have to use too much vacation time. Last week I saw my gynecologist for my pre-op appointment, and to get my paperwork to take to the surgical center for the pre-admission work up. I also called the surgical center, to see if there was a specific time to come in and do the pre-admission and fork over my share of the cost. Nope, just come on in anytime during business hours. So, this afternoon, I left work at 2:30 to go over there. I walked in at 3 (they close at 5), and was told that they only do pre-admission between 8 & 2 p.m. WTF??? The person I talked to last week couldn't have told me that? Yeah, never mind that I have about a thousand things to get done before I leave at the end of the day on Monday afternoon, and I really can't afford the time away from the office! So now I'm going to have to go over there tomorrow, probably during my lunch break. I'll just have to get out of the house a little earlier in the morning and get more done before the phone starts ringing at 7. (well, actually, it sometimes starts ringing before 7, but what the hell, who actually conducts business before 7 a.m.??? Yeah, leave me a message because I'm sure not stopping what I'm in early to do, specifically to have time to get it done before the phone starts ringing to answer your call. I had a raging headache before I even left the office, and the crazies on the road made it worse, and coupled with the fact that apparently my uterus has found out it's being evicted and is going to raise a ruckus as much as possible, so I'm cramping a mere week after my last period ended. Yeah, I'm quite happy to be rid of that particular little bit of BS every month! It seems that I get crabbier and bitchier every day, and at this point, I suspect that, despite the fact that I have wanted this for a very long time, and am looking forward to not having the periods and the drama that goes along with them, I am getting nervous about it. The last time I had major surgery (I'm not counting my Lasik 6 years ago, because, well, I was awake, and I felt no pain), I was 4 years old, and having a plate put in to replace a shattered piece of my skull. Ok, yeah, laugh if you want, I am drain-bamaged, I admit it, because about a teaspoon of brain matter was removed several months earlier when the skull fracture happened. I'm ok with it, I have brain damage and I'm weird, what's your excuse for your weirdness? HMMM?? At any rate, yeah, I'm scared, because I've not been anesthetized in over 35 years. I have every faith in my doctor, and in my support system in general, but y'know, it's still a scary thought.