1/5/09 Well, today was my first day back to work after the 3 weeks I had off between the holidays and recuperating from my surgery. I was up the first time the alarm went off, and was out the door by 5:45 in an effort to get to the office before the icy rain started. I made it by 6:15, and lasted until about 1:45 or so, which got me about 7 hours in before I had to come home and lie down on the couch. Dinner smelled fabulous. I did a chicken & rice thing in the crock pot with brown rice, 2 cans of cream of chicken soup, and some boneless, skinless chicken breasts. For seasoning I used some wild garlic dip mix. This was one of my learning recipes, I guess. Too much soup, rice was too mushy, not enough seasoning. Yeah, the chicken itself is pretty tasty, but the other stuff is just bleah mushy gross! So I’ll take the chicken out and shred it for chicken salad and toss the other stuff, having learned a lesson. I would have done all of that tonite, before I started getting everything together to throw into the big crock tomorrow for my soup, however, at about 8:15, our power went out. Yeah, it’s 9:30 now, and it’s still out. The whole block on our side of the street, plus the opposite side of the street behind us, except for a couple of houses on the next block in a cul-de-sac on our side of the street is out. Plus on the street behind us, there’s another little cul-de-sac that has like 4 houses with nothing, then 1 with full lights as far as we can see (porch light, etc.), then 2 houses with nothing, then another 1 with full lights, and all the rest are out on that whole street. It’s bizarre. The opposite side of my street is fine. I’m near a corner, and the other side of the cross street is fine. I went for a drive through the neighborhood to see how far the outage ranges, but didn’t find any power trucks doing anything for us. Yeah, it was like 34 degrees when the power went out. We had some rain today, but the power lines in my neighborhood don’t look terribly icy, nor do the trees, but perhaps the trees nearest the main transformer that our grid is on had a problem. Since I use a provider other than TXU because I have a better deal, well, I’m SOL on trying to find out what the status is because TXU won’t talk to me. So my house is currently about 65 degrees and dropping. I sleep better when it’s cold, but not when I’m shivering! Too many covers drive me crazy, but I’ve got my usual winter set of sheets, 1 blanket and my quilt, plus a flannel- backed lap quilt, plus 2 more lap quilts piled on top of me. Hopefully the power will come back on soon and I can actually sleep through the night. Ok, the power came on around 1 a.m. and while I'd slept some up to that point, it wasn't restful, and since my alarm goes off at 5, I got about half the rest I actually need to be able to function. *sigh* AND when I got online this morning to check mail, there's a 'past due' notice in my email about my electric bill, WTF??? So I went to the website and what do you know, they show I have a $0.00 balance. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is a big fat ZERO balance, because, well, I paid the bill on 12/17/08, and it was applied that day, a full 5 days before it was due. I dunno what they are thinking, other than they are clearly nuts.

I love my crock pot

So, part of my plan for this year is to eat better, which means eating at home, and not eating pre-packaged junk. To that end, I went the other day to Central Market with my shopping list. side notes: 1. I do NOT eat fish, shrimp, or other water dwelling creatures. AT ALL. I don’t particularly like the taste, and it doesn’t particularly like me, so we came to an agreement that I won’t eat them and they won’t do nasty stinky things to me. It’s a plan I can live with. 2. There are several common veggies that I just can’t stand, sometimes it is a texture thing, sometimes it is a flavor thing, sometimes both. That list includes: eggplant, raw tomatoes, broccoli, onions, most squashes, avocados, pumpkin, Brussels sprouts, canned green beans, beets, cucumbers, most peppers, artichokes, asparagus, mushrooms, shallots, and leeks. 3. There are some veggie rules that I have: I cook with purple onion, finely chopped. I eat grilled zucchini sometimes. I cook with red bell peppers. Cucumbers-bleah, dill or sweet pickles-yummy! Raw cauliflower-yummy, cooked-bleah. Mushy carrots SUCK. 4. I don’t do asian food, though I do stir-fry stuff on occasion, but not with asian spices 5. I’m not big on pork particularly, other than bacon. 6. I LOVE beef, unfortunately, it’s reached a point that beef really dislikes me most of the time these days, unless it’s VERY high grade (and therefore high-dollar). Thursday was my shopping day and by the time I finished all my errands, I just wasn’t in the mood to cook anything, so I wound up skipping dinner. Friday I made a couple of individual meatloaves, using ground bison. I’ve done it before, and it was fabulous. This time around, I messed up and used tomato paste instead of sauce, and the result was VERY acidic. Fortunately, I’d only cooked one of them, the other is in the freezer, and I’ve gotten information on how to correct the acidity once I thaw the other one to cook it. Paired with ½ a small baked potato, and a salad, I was pretty happy with the meal I had that night. Saturday, I woke up early and put some beans in the crock pot. Unfortunately, having not cooked with it nearly enough, I didn’t know that I needed to either use fresh spices and herbs, or use extra of the dried/crushed ones. I seriously needed to doctor the beans to have them taste decent. The cornbread, on the other hand, despite being from a package that only required me to add an egg and milk, was outstanding. Added a salad again, and had me a nice, balanced, fresh meal. This morning, I got out the bison roast I’d gotten at Central Market, sliced some garlic and put in it, then plopped it into the crock pot with some low-fat-sodium beef broth, some fresh thyme, rosemary, oregano, bay leaves, Italian parsley, garlic, some potatoes, and some purple onion, and cooked it all day long. The only problem I had was that I put the carrots in too soon, because they were MUSHY and gross by the time I was ready to eat! The roast, on the other hand, was absolutely FABULOUS! Tender, tasty, ahh! And of course, with a salad, I had another healthy, tasty meal. Now I’m off to bed, back to work tomorrow, after 3 weeks off to recouperate from my hysterectomy. Wish me luck! Hopefully I’ll be up on time, to work on time (which to my boss means 7, though I’m usually there by 6 or 6:30), and make it through the whole day!

Ok, I’d like to keep my posts this year a little more upbeat and positive, but this one is just going to make me crazy, so it’s gonna have to come out. Awhile back, someone I thought knew me pretty well encouraged me to take a path that, in all honesty, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to even consider. I had all sorts of arguments against the path, but my friend, X was persistent, and actually, the path sort of came to me, relatively independently. Pretty quickly, I revised my thoughts about it, and it has brought me a great deal of joy, and frankly, taught me some things about myself. Overall, I think it’s a good path for me, despite some bumps along the way. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, X has decided that it’s not a good path for me and that I need to just give it up and find another one. I realize that X, like the rest of my friends, wants what is best for me, however, considering that X has spent virtually no time with me in person along this path. Sure we talk on the phone, but unlike this time last year (well before my current path was part of my world) when we spent time together every single week, without fail, in the last, oh, 6 months or so, we’ve seen each other less than 10 times in total. Now, before anyone gets in a twist about the reasons things have changed or about jealousy or whatever, my frustration has nothing to do with hisher path, because while it works for himher, I know that it couldn’t work for me, and that’s fine. I am pretty sure that X believes my situation to be the same as a situation that s/he was in a year or so ago, but what s/he doesn’t get is that, well, it is NOT the same. Sure there are some similarities, but in other ways it’s very different. Sure s/he has heard a good bit of frustration and tears along those bumps, but s/he seems not to remember the joyful times. I have reached a point that I feel I can’t even talk about something that I believe has had a hugely positive impact on my life with one of my closest friends, because s/he is going to tell me, yet again “I just don’t think this is the right path for you, maybe you need to give it up and look for another path.” I don’t freakin’ WANT to look for another path. Hell, I wasn’t even really looking when this one found me. I mean, sure we all sort of watch all the time, but there’s a difference between actively looking, and just going on your merry way without worrying about it. I had reached a place in my life that I was in a good place, not a perfect one, by any means, but a good one, and I was generally happier than I had been, probably in most of my life. Out of the blue, seemingly randomly, the path opened up to me. Again, not perfect, but good, and good for and to me. It’s not an easy path, particularly, but it’s been good all the way around, I think. It is frustrating that someone who calls him/herself my friend would be a little more supportive of what s/he started in the first place. Ok, that’s the end of my rant for today.

2008/09 survey

What did you do in 2008 that you’ve never done before? Umm, went to Pennsylvania and Maryland Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t make resolutions Did anyone close to you give birth? My friends Emilee & Mark had baby Claire Did anyone close to you die? Yep, my great-aunt Eth, she was 98 What countries did you visit? Pennsyltucky, thought it was more of a drive thru, not a visit, and Mexico. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Better health, and I think I’m already on that path since I evicted my uterus in December What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Too many to name, though December 16th is pretty significant, what with the uterine eviction and all What’s your biggest achievement of the year? My first public bellydance performance in August at Ya Halla Ya’ll with my class What was your biggest failure? Not being able to keep up my fitness goals because my health was such a mess Did you suffer illness or injury? Yep, kidney stones, PMS from HELL, multiple sinus infections, and allergies from hell What’s the best thing you bought? Prolly my pretty new red Ipod Whose behavior merited celebration? I have no idea Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Several people/entities, but nobody particularly close to me Where did most of your money go? Bills and FAIRE What did you get really, really excited about? Being asked by friends to represent them as a seller at faire, which resulted in some better friendships, and some new ones. What song will always remind you of 2008? Since I always listen to my Ipod, I have no idea. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? MUCH Happier. Richer or poorer? Emotionally/spiritually richer, monetarily about the same. Thinner or fatter? My weight has stayed fairly steady, but I’ve had to buy smaller clothes. What do you wish you’d done more of? Take more down time. What do you wish you’d done less of? Being bitchy, negative and whiney How did you spend Christmas? At home, in the quiet, but the next day I was at my sister’s with family Did you fall in love in 2008? Yeah, I kinda did. What was your favorite TV program? Extreme Makeover Home Edition Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope, I learned a few years ago that hate is wasted energy. Instead, I try to forgive and move on, and just be careful who I’m close to What did you want and get? Traveling to new places What did you want and not get? Hmm, I think I did pretty well getting what I want, or at least getting on the path toward it What was your favorite film of this year? I can’t even remember what movies I saw, how sad is that?? What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was at faire in MD with some wonderful friends, although by the time I was headed up there, I had a hard time leaving those I would have spent time with here. I was 40, but now I’m 41 What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying I have no idea How would you describe your personal fashion concept for 2008? Basic Wench What kept you sane? My friends, when they weren’t making me insane What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Didn’t really fancy anybody famous What political issue stirred you the most? Presidential campaigning in general, I HATE election year. Who did you miss? Mom. Who was the best new person you met? I met lots of awesome new people, top o the list is prolly Tom, MFS &FB Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008 Patience really can pay off.

Waving out last year, welcoming the new one

2008 was a banner year for me. I learned that sometimes, hard as it is, I have to stand up for myself and put ME first. I learned that as much as it hurts, sometimes a friendship has run its course, and ends, and that’s ok. I learned that as much as I want to, not only can I not save someone, I can’t make them want to save themselves either, and that’s ok I learned that sometimes the best way to be a friend is to say no. I discovered that I have more inner strength than I thought I did I discovered that the age of the friendship has little or nothing to do with the depth of the friendship. I discovered that while patience has never been one of my virtues, it is something I can learn. My world changed a lot in 2008, mostly through people who came in and/or out of it. Some was bad, some was good. Since I’m focusing on positives instead of negatives, we aren’t going into the bad, because, well, it happened, it can’t be changed, and I’ve put it behind me. Early in the year, I decided that I was going to just relax and enjoy the ride that is my life. As a result of that decision, I believe, several wonderful people either came into my life, or became a bigger part of my life. Each of them has made a wonderful, positive impact on me, and I am truly grateful for their presence. In the coming year, I am planning to continue on the path that I’m carving. My doctor tells me that my activities have to be limited until February 1st, when hopefully, my only unhealed incision will be healed. At that point, I can rejoin my bellydance classes and head back to the gym a couple of days each week. Since the surgery, aside from being sore and more easily tired, I honestly feel better than I have felt in years! Who knew that the removal of my uterus would be quite so life-changing. I mean, everyone I know who had already had one told me that I would feel better and never regret it, but WOW is all I can say about the change. I will admit that I’ve been moody, cranky, and downright bitchy, probably for YEARS longer than I was really conscious of, simply because, well, I didn’t know that the way I was feeling during my period and the days leading up to it was abnormal. It WAS normal to me, so I just tolerated it, and God bless all of you who just loved me through it! Now, I have no doubt that there is still some adjustment to happen, but I am confident that it will be fine. I am in a good place, and I hope you are in a good place as well. Have a blessed and successful year ya’ll!

After Christmas

Well, what a week. Christmas has come and gone. On Tuesday I did a little too much, and on Wednesday I paid for it with more pain than I’d had in several days. Since my #2 nephew’s flight home from Alaska got totally screwed up by the storms around Seattle, our family Christmas got moved from Thursday to Friday. I had all day Thursday to just play on the computer and watch tv. Yeah, I needed a day with no times that I was required to be anywhere! It did make for a bit of a lonely day though. I’ve gotten pretty accustomed to spending Christmas out west with my BFF & her kids. While the oldest has been humoring us for several years with the whole Santa thing, but we did get the magic back when the baby came. I did miss, terribly the look on their faces when they see what Santa left. So yesterday I baked cookies and headed to my sister’s house around 1:30 with cookies and chex mix on hand, in addition to the gifts for the kids. It was great to see #2, who, as it turns out, had been delayed YET AGAIN, and had only arrived at 1:15 that afternoon. Now, see, I figure that’s what he gets for moving to Alaska and wanting to live there in the winter… you have to expect delays when it’s that cold outside! My sister cooked a rib roast, and my brother-in-law made the most awesome mashed potatoes using ranch dip mix, in addition to sour cream, bacon bits & chives YUMMMMY. In all honesty, today has been the day I’ve been looking forward to, for a couple of reasons, but mostly because it marked the end of a week that had some of my favorite usual activities unavailable to me, through no control of mine. Yeah, silly me, I kinda thought it might actually end up the way that it should, but alas it didn’t, and I guess I just have to keep being patient. Or else give up completely, and I’m just not quite ready to do that yet, so I’ll keep on with my masochistic ways, I suppose.

5 days later

I’m BAAACK! Nope, I didn’t fall of the end of the world. This is likely to be a long one, so go ahead and take your potty break now, grab your snack, and fix a drink to make yourself comfortable. Last Tuesday I had my surgery, and I gotta tell you, I was scared spitless going in! It was less than freezing when we got up and left my friends’ house at 4FREAKING30 in the morning to head for the surgery center. I checked in and they took me back to pre-op at about 5:45. I was scheduled to be in the OR at 7, but it was almost 7:45 when they came and took me in there, which, of course, had me frustrated beyond belief! This was my 3rd, I think, major surgery. The other 2 occurred when I was 3 & 4, so I have no memory of either of them. I remember crying and telling the nurse that I was about to DIE to go to the bathroom, but when we got there, yeah, nothing happened. I was in a private room with my friends sitting with me around noon-ish, I think. I sort of went back and forth between snoozing, and whining about needing to pee, and random goofy conversation with my friends. Finally about 3:30 I had peed enough to make the nurse happy, and they let me leave. It took 3 of us to get me dressed again, and DAMN it was cold when I got outside, but I was so happy to be able to be on my way home to my cats! I got to talk to the people I most wanted to before I went to bed that night, and my sister came by with some soup. Getting up and down in the night was kind of a trick, as I wasn’t moving all that quickly, and I was on GOOOD drugs! Fortunately, the cats behaved and I didn’t have to fight with them to keep them from tromping across incisions! Wednesday, I decided to move from the bed to the couch in the media room, because I was TIRED of being in a bed! I fixed my little nest, with a big ole glass of water, a bit of dr pepper, my bottle of pain meds, and my laptop. I don’t even remember how many emails I had when I logged in, but I waded through some of them before I took a break and laid down on the couch for a little nap with my Bowbitsy up near my head. One of my friends came by after she’d picked up the kids from school to get a grocery list I’d made. It’s just by chance that she lives about 5 minutes from me, but I was totally astounded when the kids asked if they could stay with me while she went to the grocery store for me. UMM, let me think about this for a second. 1. I had major surgery yesterday, 2. You have spent the entire 5 minutes you’ve been in my house rushing around trying to hunt down my cats despite being told that they are hiding, 3. You have a tendency to do whatever you please despite being asked or told not to do something, and did I mention I just had major surgery? Yeah, I told them that I had just taken another pain pill and needed to lie down so they couldn’t stay. OMG, holy cow, when they came back, they again ran through the house looking for the cats. Sleeping that night was a little easier, and since I had gotten out the wedge pillow, getting up and down in the night was a whole lot easier. Thursday I was moving a little better, and able to go longer between pain pills, but Helen’s car died once she got to work that morning, so that started a whole new drama about what to do. In the end, she found a ride home that night, and to/from Friday as well, with a plan to go look for one to buy on Saturday. Friday morning, I hit 72 hours past surgery, and thus was allowed to start driving. YAY! I had serious cabin fever and wanted the hell out of the house. So I got myself dressed in a shirt, and a pair of pajama capri’s which, on my short little legs, are not capris, but rather a lovely pair of highwaters! My jeans still didn’t fit, and even if they had, I’m thinkin’ the pressure of the button on my incision was really a bad idea, and since I don’t have any sweats anymore, a trip to Wal-Mart was in order. I made it to Hobby Lobby for some ornaments and gift wrap, and then to Wal-mart for some pants that wouldn’t bind or cause problems with my incisions, so I wouldn’t have to run around town in my highwaters or my Dr Pepper pajama pants until I can wear my jeans again. I lasted about 2 hours before my body decided it was time for another pain pill and a nap. I spent a couple of hours sleeping on the couch before I headed out for a few more errands. Once Helen got home, we went over to the mall to pick up a few items. Saturday morning I had to run to check the PO Box, since I hadn’t been there since the previous Saturday, and I needed to mail Darla’s box. Unfortunately, there was a HUGE line, and only 1 person working the counter. Now, WTF is up with that? It’s the Saturday before Christmas, and the PO only has 1 person working? Yeah, well, I knew that I could always go to the airport PO and mail the box today, once I actually had a box to put the stuff in. Lunch was good, and yielded prezzies from Capt, Isa and the cats! I should have brought at least the cats’ stocking in, and given them some of their treats, but that hasn’t happened yet either. I have a fabulous pink piggy moshy pillow! We spent a couple of hours at the car place trying to get Helen into a car, but eventually my body started to protest, and I had to head home, and just trust that Helen would manage. By the time I left for a sorority party that night, I had no idea what was up, but went on the assumption that she either had something, or someone to bring her home. When I got home from the party, which, fortunately, one of my sorority sisters had provided me transportation, so I could take a pain pill before we left the party and I could be ready for bed when I got home, there was a car in the driveway in her spot, so obviously things went well. This morning’s jaunt to church came as a surprise to many folks who thought I would be down for longer than what I have been. I guess that’s the beauty of laproscopic surgery, I’m back to a lot of my regular activities in less than 6 weeks. I took Erin & hers their prezzies after lunch, boxed and mailed Darla’s stuff, and then napped for a little while until I needed to get up and go hang with the youth at church this evening and watch Elf. I’d have to say, that while I do get a bit crabby when it’s time to have another pain pill, I can spend time in traffic without being a total lunatic most of the time, and I don’t feel a constant need to rip someone’s head off! This is a HUGE improvement over my moods over the last several months! Yep, this surgery is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! A think it’s time for bed.