Generation Gap

It’s official, I am OLD. Yesterday, I bought a pair of ‘thigh highs’ to go with my Halloween costume. I assumed (erroneously, obviously, hence this experience) that they had that rubber stuff up around the top to keep them up on your thigh. So last night, about 7:40, I’m watchin’ a little tv, and decided to try them on, just for shits & giggles. They look VERY cool, except for one tiny little problem. As soon as I let go of the top, they start rolling down my leg. Yeah, no rubbery stuff. I have moved at least 5 times since I last had need of a garter belt, so if I even still owned one, I have NO IDEA where it might be. So Helen & I make a flying trip to the mall in search of said accessory. First stop, JC Penney’s lingerie department. We looked and looked, but didn’t even find stockings, much less garters and garter belts for them. We found the girl working the nearest checkout, right there in the department. She was all of, oh, 19, at most. Bless her heart, she had NO IDEA what a garter belt was. Granted it was her first day on the floor, but still! So we looked some more and found nothing. I looked in the lingerie catalog, and found 'torsolettes’, which everybody I know has always called a bustier, but whatever you want to call it, it had garters, so I showed the girl. She still had never seen them, and apologized profusely for not being able to help us, and suggested we "try maybe an old-timey store". OMG! She also thought we were in our 30’s (God love her for taking almost a decade off of us after all that)! It was truly an entertaining, though not successful encounter. Next stop, unplanned, was the floor in front of a jewelry store where there was a puddle, which sent my right foot sliding forward while my left remained in place, landing me on my left knee. I did a relatively spectacular, for me anyway, splits. I’ve got a denim burn from my jeans and a lovely bruise on my knee, but otherwise, I’m fine. Jewelry store employee was very nice and once I was up and told him I was fine, he called maintenance, then stood outside the store until they arrived to mop to ensure that no one else was hurt. I would like to say that in general, this country is entirely too litigious, I think. As I got up, the 2 teenaged boys behind me, and 2 employees at a cart in the middle of the mall said "SUE THE MALL" WTF???? Umm, yeah, I am fine, thanks for asking! Between the 4 people, I heard the word sue at least 3 different times. Now, if I were one of those unscrupulous people who is out to get something for nothing, sure I might get a lawyer and give him/her 1/3 of any award I might get, and fake all kinds of injuries, etc. That is NOT who I am, and the fact that those people assumed that I might be almost makes me sick, you know? THEN, as we passed the aforementioned cart, which sells some sort of fragrance something or other, maybe aromatherapy, I’m not sure, the guy (yes one of the ones who told me to sue the mall) tried to foist something off on us, then said "Can I ask you a question?" We said "no" and went on our way, because it was now 8:18 and we had a mission to complete and get back to Penney’s before 9. Dillard’s was our final stop. GO DILLARDS LINGERIE DEPT!! Not only did they have a VARIETY of garter belts, though only 1 that will fit me, the young women working, I would say one was probably 18 or 19 and the other early to mid-20’s knew exactly where to look for each style, they also were able to have a ballpark idea of my correct bra size without measuring me! It was DAMNED impressive. They guessed a band size smaller than I wear but a cup size bigger, which is technically, where I belong, but those underwires in that size kick my ass (Well, my armpits anyway) so I go up a band size and down a cup size in order to be comfortable. The next time I need a fitting, I know where I’m heading for sure!!! Dillard’s NorthEast Mall!!! Happy Halloween/Samhain Ya’ll