Sunday, August 1, 2010

the Awful, Terrible, VeryBad, NoGood Day!

Today was a HORRIBLE day… when I first woke up, it wasn't so bad, and then I discovered that the DSL modem seems to have died. AGAIN. Now, this would not be a HUGE tragedy, except for the fact that for about a week and a half, I have been without a phone, because I could no longer afford the plan that I had, and my provider wanted almost $500 to turn it back on, including last month's bill, this month's bill (which wasn't even due yet when they shut the damned thing off), and a deposit equal to a little over a month's bill, plus a reconnect fee. Well, go ahead and try to collect… what's that you say? If I don't pay you, you'll cancel me and charge me an early termination fee? Yeah, good luck with that. I didn't have the $140 for last month's bill before you sent the bill for this month, what makes you think that I'll have another $250 on top of the $500 you've cut me off for?
Immediately, I'm stressing because while I was phoneless, I did have my computer, and access to the internet, day or night, and, actually, most of the people I talk with regularly I can talk with via email, so I while my contact was sort of restricted, it wasn't totally cut off. Until this morning. I went BERSERK! In retrospect, I probably did overreact, which I am prone to do these days, but you know what? It just seemed like the straw that broke the camel's back… cutting me off from the world, unless there is someone else home, with their phone, I AM cut off from the outside world. Several weeks ago, when we moved rooms around, and I moved into the small, back one, for more privacy, I knew that part of the price of that privacy would be a feeling of isolation. That is part of the reason I don't spend a lot of time in here, unless it's bedtime, or first thing in the morning. I go about my business, getting dressed and getting my face on to go to church. And I notice shortcat looking at me with a smug expression… and I realize, she is peeing on the bed… AGAIN! I snatched her up, and put her back in the crate, stripped the bed, and stomped out to wash my sheets and mattress pad for the ummm, 4th time in 9 days. Of course, the person who started laundry at midnight last night, didn't bother to move their clothes to the dryer when the wash was done (and I KNOW they were still up and about when the dryer buzzed with the load of cat bedding they'd put in it. AND they used the last of the laundry soap, without tossing the bottle or leaving a note for anybody. Fortunately, we had some Borax, which, along with the wee bit of detergent I managed to get out by adding water to the bottle and swishing it around, sufficed for the first load.
My bitchiness was met with distain and not much sympathy from the only other person up and about before I left, and I can't say I blame her, but a bit of sympathy would have been nice. By the time I got to church, I'd dried my tears (though I did fail to look at my face and sat through Sunday School with mascara streaks down my cheeks, and nobody said anything to me about it), and put on a bit of a brave face. I made it through church without completely going to pieces, and after services were over, talked with my pastor for about an hour or so… mostly with me bawling like a big baby, out of frustration, anger, depression, disappointment, and on some level shame. I HATE for anyone to see me cry (which is probably the main reason that I didn't go all to pieces during church), I suck at asking for help, and I'm at a point where I don't know what else to try to get my world back on the proper tilt. God bless her, she loaned me $ to get a phone that is contract free, and a manageable rate for me, bought me lunch, and promised to look for a DSL modem that she no longer needs, so we can get reconnected at home.
By the time I got back to town to get the phone from a local provider, I was overtired and getting cranky a bit. And THEN, my car wouldn't start. Yeah, phone has no charge, no car charger (and isn't activated yet anyway, since I need to charge it some before I spend the time on it to activate it.), and I don't have my old phone (with numbers in it) with me either. I scrape up enough change to call the roomies and leave a tearful message about where I am stranded, and hope that they will check their messages before they just leave to go to the naming ceremony & drop the boy off at some friends' place so he can hit the road in the morning for a couple of jobs. And I return to my car in the 105* parking lot to wait, and hope that they check messages soon. Luckily, it wasn't long before they arrive, we got my car moved so it could be jumped off, and I was on the road to the house while they went in and picked up a couple of last minute things for the excursion to our friends'.
I spent 20 minutes on the phone to activate it, and the programming fails. Dinner is ready, so I go out there and eat before I try again. 3 tries later, I finally wind up with someone real (as opposed to a computer) who tells me that I need to call from a phone other than the one I'm programming, because the programming failed the first time around and must be done manually now, which can't be done if the phone is in use. NIIICE. Yeah, that was the whipped cream on top of my SHIT sundae, and almost did me in. I talked with one of the priestesses, and the father of the baby being named, and excused myself from the circle, as I knew I was too upset and raging to be able to contribute to the peace and love of the circle. Instead, I offered to stay on the porch and take photos with my camera, since it was the only one at the event for some reason. It was a lovely circle, and I will gladly take part in another, given the opportunity.
I finally managed to borrow my friends' landline and get the phone programmed properly, and am no longer totally out of touch with everybody. It's a TINY phone, not much bigger than my iPod Nano, and it doesn't have a QWERTY keyboard, so I'm having to learn again how to text from a phone keypad… fun times. I don't think it's Bluetooth capable, which is a sucky deal, but I guess if I have to use a wired headset for a little while until things balance back out better, then I'll have to do that.
And the CHERRY on top of today's SHIT Sundae was the fact that apparently part of our neighborhood is without water. And the city "has made a note of the problem". Yeah, I guess it's just as well I had my shower this morning, and that I washed the sheets/mattress protector this morning before I left…
I'm not totally sure why it ALL came to a head today… although it is the first of August, and August always sucked for mom, and maybe I'm kinda missing her. Who knows, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

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