Busybusybusy

This has been a busy week, thus far, yet somehow I just don't feel like I've accomplished much to speak of, and that's annoying and frustrating. I've fallen into a vicious cycle of not sleeping properly at night, which leaves me very sleepy during the day, and then I fall asleep in the afternoon, which then keeps me from sleeping well that night and I'm stuck in that mess. Part of the problem, I'm sure, is that I don't do enough up and moving about throughout the day, and I'm working on that. I've also taken a couple of Candida overload kinds of tests which indicate that I am probably suffering from a proliferation of candida in my system, and likely have been for a VERY long time. The following is a list of issues associated with it:

• A bloated abdomen and/or abdominal pain
• **A slow and foggy mind
• A white coating on your tongue or inside your mouth
• Anal itching
• Chronic sinus problems
• **Constant fatigue
• **Feeling old and worn out
• Food cravings (especially for sugar) and **food sensitivities
• Hair loss
• **Headaches
• Heartburn, indigestion, and/or gas
• Herpes
• Intimate yeast infections and/or itchy skin rashes
• Mood swings, **memory or concentration difficulties
• Premenstrual symptoms
• Red, itching eyes
• **Sensitivity to molds, dampness, environmental pollution, cigarettes, and certain smells
• Skin fungus infections – recurrent ringworm, athlete's foot, tinea cruris (jock itch), or nail problems
• **Sore muscles and joints
• Urinary tract infections
• **Waking up tired
• Weight loss or gain
• Worried and depressed about always feeling lousy

Now, the **-ed items I've always attributed to my fibromyalgia, but I wonder now whether the fibro may be a symptom of the candida overload? I'm working on adding more raw foods into my diet, because I know I feel better when I have more of them, and I'm working on some research to see how to adapt my diet without totally depriving myself, which is always my downfall when I try to change my habits… I feel deprived, so I cheat, and then I give up. Giving up the Dr Pepper will be one of the hardest things for me. Candida feeds on sugar, so I have to get off the sodas, because I HATE diet sodas (unless they are properly spiked with Captain Morgan), and I am not sure that something in the formulation of them doesn't trigger (at least in me) a physiological (or psychosomatic) hunger or feeling of dissatisfaction and need to eat more to be sated. There are all sorts of Candida Cleanses out there, but virtually all of them involve becoming nearly vegan, and I loves me some MEAT! I have also read several articles that state that 70% of the diet should be raw food. I'm not sure I can convince myself to eat that much raw stuff…. I love salad, but eventually I get tired of chewing it! I'm going to aim for 50% by this time next week, and be more careful with what the other 50% is.

Other news in my world, the unemployment world is still sucky, and today it got a little worse, because I got notice that I owe the State of Texas all of the unemployment I've already collected, because they've reversed the decision to pay me, based on the phone hearing that was held a couple of weeks ago. I am NOT happy about this, because I feel that the company did not provide me with notice that there was an ongoing problem, and they misrepresented themselves in the hearing. I've appealed the decision to the Commission, but that's a written appeal, and they will review the previous hearing. I've not heard back yet whether or not they are going to listen to it or not. When you add up the wages I've lost and the money the state wants back, I am down 32% of my annual salary in just 10 weeks! My frustration mounts every day that passes and I don't hear back from the hundred (literally) or so contacts that I've made thus far. I did finally get a response from the interview I had in June, and another candidate was selected. I am not surprised, as the interviewer indicated to me that she was looking for someone with more contract analysis experience, whereas what I have is essentially review. I have also found that one that I applied for I am not being considered, and frankly, that doesn't come as a huge surprise, as it is a company with whom my former employer has done significant business, and I suspect that they picked up the phone and called someone over there who dislikes me. The lesson from that little bit is: focus on contractors that don't have long history with the former employer. There are a couple of others that show they are still in review, so maybe something will pan out there soon. I do have an appointment, FINALLY with a staffing agency over in Ft. Worth that did send me on a couple of interviews before I got the last job, but they were all 40+miles from where I lived in Arlington. Those same areas are closer to 15-20 from where I live now, so perhaps it will be a productive agency for me.

This weekend will begin the big EBAY selloff of stuff. I've got garb that I bought on impulse and shouldn't have because I won't wear it, I've got miscellaneous antique and old stuff, Christmas ornaments, a pretty good variety of stuff. I won't get rich, but hopefully I'll keep a roof over my head until I have something more steadily coming in.

Off to bed, another long day tomorrow starting with a trip to see a friend in the hospital.

…know that just because You are their friend, doesn’t mean THEY are yours

That is my addition to the adage "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

There are a lot of things that I will put up with, but being lied to is not one of them. Standing in front of me when I tell you something and acting as if you are utterly astounded to hear it, when you were fully aware that it was happening, and did, in fact, add to the situation, is LYING TO ME! Truthfully, I thought when that little lie was exposed, that perhaps your involvement and frankly, SUPPORT of the situation was an act of self-preservation, and I was willing to overlook it. Unfortunately, I have learned a hard lesson out of this whole fiasco, and that is to remember that just because I count someone among my friends, I shouldn't expect to be able to trust them and count on them if there is a crisis. Twice in the last year, I have done something to help someone (2 different people), which directly impacted my world, on a daily basis. Twice now my friendship and help has been repaid by deceit. We all know the story of the roomie from hell back at the beginning of the year. The second incident I won't go into details about, but will say that if I knew something that was going to cost someone who had been a good friend to me dearly, I would be talking to them about it, to be sure they were aware of the situation, before it turned their world upside down. And I would certainly NOT let it go on for 6 months, while they were oblivious to it.

Yeah, I'm MAD AS HELL about this, and I'm having to carefully take stock of the relationships in my world, to be sure I don't get shafted again.

Friday Ramblings

Apparently it rained in my neighborhood last night while I slept. I suppose that the really good news is that I actually slept through it. I usually wake up when it starts, but perhaps it wasn't raining as hard here as it did in other parts of the metroplex. My rain gauge showed less than a quarter of an inch, so it must've mostly been farther south. As much as I love living in Texas, and have no desire to live anywhere else, I just absolutely HATE the unbearable heat we get most summers. Fortunately, the rain brought the temps down to less than a hundred degrees, at least for a few days. The kittens have decided that a couple of my potted plants are most excellent spots to play jungle kitty, and be able to pounce on whichever sibling happens by. I fear that I've lost part of what's in one, but at least it was something inexpensive and the rest of what is in there is pretty hardy, and should not be harmful to them as they chew on it.

This morning, when I happened upon yet another job search site, I was putting my resume into it, and I discovered a few things that may be part of the problem with this week's submissions and resulted in not getting any response from them. I feel pretty dumb about it, and I really have no excuse. I've now printed off both versions (Construction and non-construction) and proofed them again. I will probably take copies with me when I go see some friends tomorrow evening and have them proof as well, just in case my eyes missed something else. I am really hoping that this unemployment period will end soon. The first time I went through it, I was unemployed completely for about 6 months, then I was employed part-time for several months while I was caring for Mom during her final months. The second time I was unemployed, it lasted just over 3 months, so if the trend of shorter periods each time, something will turn up in the next couple of weeks.

I am still frustrated by the resume harvest-bots that keep sending me emails that say "we have reviewed your information posted on (choose a job board and insert here), and would like to invite you to interview for sales/marketing/start your own insurance agency". There is NOTHING in my resume or experience that would indicate that I am remotely interested in sales, marketing, or insurance. In fact, the resume that is searchable on EVERY SITE I'M ON specifically states that I am looking for an administrative position in the CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY. I have a total of 7 former employers listed. The 3 that cover the past 9 years are all construction. 2 are staffing agencies that were varied ADMINISTRATIVE/SECRETARIAL assignments, and actually one of those provided my entry into the construction industry, one was a dairy transport company doing payroll & HR support, and the last one (17 years ago) was a customer service position. It frustrates me to no end that they obviously aren't READING anything other than my name and email address! I suppose that on some level they assume that everyone is desperate enough to be willing to take ANYTHING, but I'm not willing to take a job that 1. I believe is a scam (yeah, I think your "work from home for a few weeks until we open our office in your area to process payments" offer is a SCAM), 2. Involves selling insurance for a company that I have found, from personal experience, to be terrible to both their claimants AND their insured, 3. Is more than 30 miles from where I currently live, or 4. Makes impossible promises of income (today's SPAM filter netted "Earn $24,000 in 24 hours"). Also, if your email address is so generic, or for whatever other reason my (medium-setting) Yahoo account automatically filters you to SPAM, I'm going to try to research your company before I send you a damned thing, and if that research doesn't provide me with a valid website that includes a PHYSICAL ADDRESS AND non-toll-free phone number, SPAM is where it will remain.

And today's WTF? is the Lingerie Football League. Seriously, women in lingerie and football pads playing 7 on 7? I get the whole women can play full contact football. Hell, I used to get in trouble in PE because somehow, my touches or flag grabs in touch/flag football wound up including a tackle. I grew up with brothers. Football is, in my opinion a CONTACT sport. Touch and flag are not real football. But in their underwear and with the football pads on the outside? Really? I would think that the potential for injury by the pads from pinching or whatever might happen if your hand got caught in the wrong spot of a pad with nothing covering it would be pretty high. Oh, I'm sure that a great many men will enjoy seeing chicks run around the field scantily clad, but I just don't see it going over fabulously, at least in Texas. For one thing, it's played on Friday nights. In Texas, Friday night is HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL. It's a whole lifestyle, it seems, and not much goes on in these parts on Friday nights during the fall. I suppose we'll have to see what happens with it, but I don't expect much, and I certainly won't be spending any time or money on it.

Off to bed, the cats will be up early making demands, I'm sure!

Harry Potter & more

It's been 8.5 weeks that I've been unemployed. It sucks, big time, but I continue to soldier on. In an effort to conserve funds, I'm trying very hard not to go anywhere that I don't absolutely HAVE to go. My job search has been a daily task, searching Monster, CareerBuilder, Constructionjobs, HotJobs, WorkInTexas, and any other job board I can find that has listings in my area. I've had one interview, but never heard anything back from them, despite the fact that I have left a message and sent an email to follow up. I think that's the MOST frustrating thing, not getting any feedback. I have submitted between 3 and 10 resumes EVERY WEEK, and I've gotten 1 stupid interview. It's not as if I'm not well qualified for the positions I'm applying for. Granted, the one for which I interviewed, I suspect they really wanted someone with more specific contract administration experience. I am registered for a 3 day seminar week after next through TWC, perhaps that will help me figure out what I'm not doing as well as I could.

Tuesday afternoon I was utterly & completely tired of being in my house. The thought did cross my mind to head out to one of the dozens of midnight showings of Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince, but then I remembered how crazy crowds make me, and I decided that I would give it a couple of days and let the initial furor that seems to always accompany the releases. Yesterday wasn't terribly bad, NCIS had an all day marathon, so there was at least something that kept me entertained while I was puttering around the house and checking job boards. I made a small grocery run to pick up a few things so I could have a decent meal last night and tonite, and I decided that I would try to hit one of the matinees today, in the hopes that since it is a weekday, and the theater had it on 8 screens, I might manage to see it without 500 other people packed into the theatre like sardines. SCORE! I got there technically in time for the very next showing, but as it was 5 minutes to showtime and I wanted a little popcorn, a drink, and a trip to the ladies room before I settled in for 2.5 hours, I elected to get a ticket for the following show. That showing was in one of the smaller theatres, but I don't think I missed anything seeing it on a smaller screen. There were 2 people already in the theatre when I got there, and after that a grand total of 5 more adults and a 6 year old came in as well. I was a bit concerned about the child, but she did very well, only talking a couple of times, and one of those was during the previews. What an awesome movie! I'm really thinking I need to re-read the books, and actually, watch the rest of the movies again. *a little side note, last weekend I watched the marathon on whatever channel it was, of several of the other movies. Call me stupid a dork, but it wasn't until Harry's first transport by Flue Powder, when instead of Diagon Alley, he said Diagonally that I caught the play on words! ::headdesk:: Obviously even when I read the books I didn't catch it, but I am going to blame that on the fact that before I read any of the books, I saw HP & The Prisoner of Azkaban, which hooked me, and I borrowed all of my #1 Boy's books and brought them home with me to read. I devoured them so quickly that I just must have skimmed over a lot of stuff! I don't know what it is about Snape, but as long as Alan Rickman is in that costume, he makes the girlybits quite happy! I'm not sure what it says about me that I get all hot and bothered by an evil one, and I've not seen him in anything else that makes me wanna just knock him over and have my wicked way with him, but whooeeeee! Maybe it's the hair… I LOVES me some long hair. Not that Jason Isaacs ever did it for me, even with all that hair as Lucious Malfoy, but then he was purely evil, and there was something just, umm, FREAKY about that bleached out white hair.

My little outside kitties are doing well. The kittens will come and eat if I'm sitting on the step, and they'll come up on the patio when I'm sitting out there. Mind you, they don't get within touching distance on the patio, but they don't run and hide where I can't see them. They will go under the deck, where they can see me, and I can see them, and I'm ok with that. This weekend I'm going to get my friend's trap and try to get mama trapped so I can have her spayed before she gets knocked up again! I have determined that the little creamy one with the points is a girl, and the little grey one is a boy. The tuxedo I can't tell for sure, but I'm leaning toward boy.

I think that's about it for tonite. I need to get better about this blogging thing, and perhaps with a little more work, I can manage that. I should really be doing more organizing of the stuff at my house. I think tomorrow I'm tackling the media room and getting stuff re-sorted so that when I get the storage room cleaned out I can put stuff that goes in there away.

Letter

I could just write this and not post it, but I'm kind of hoping that actually writing it will be cathartic, and probably on some level, that perhaps it might be read by the one to whom it is addressed, though I figure that's pretty unlikely. I have spent months trying to convince my heart to just give it up. I've come up with all sorts of reasons defending you and your inability or unwillingness to just come clean about the real reason you "don't have an interest in dating anybody right now." It's been 10 months since you told me that. I have spent time beating myself up about why I am not good enough to be loved by you. Why I am not good enough to be half as important to you as any of your other friends. I've been sucked in, repeatedly, by your desire to be in electronic contact every morning and evening, and allowed myself to believe that it meant you gave a damn about me, and that it might eventually lead to you caring as much about me as I care about you. Instead of listening to my brain that kept saying "don't be an idiot, he's not ever going to give a shit about you. If he really gave a flying fuck about you, he would actually TALK to you, instead of just IM or text" No, I had to listen to my heart that kept trying to convince me otherwise. And my friends who, much as they love me and thought they were doing the right thing, kept encouraging me to read things the way I WANTED them to be. I see now that I've wasted the last 10 months deluding myself, and that it has nothing to do with me, and it has nothing to do with you needing to deal with demons from your past. Your heart belongs to someone else, who is, I suspect, as unavailable to you as you are to me, though since you don't ever actually talk to me, I don't know the whole story. I would say that I don't care what the story is, but that's a lie, mostly because I hate not knowing what's going on, even if what's going on makes me sick at my stomach, as it did that Sunday in May. I am sure that there are those, probably you included, who will say "he told you months ago where he stood, he's been open and honest about that." That's all well and good, but you know what, the only men other than co-workers that I have been in contact with on a semi-scheduled basis have been those with whom I was involved in a romantic relationship. My "just friends" guy friends and I talk a few times a week, at best, certainly not twice a day, or more. It seemed important to you to say goodnight each night. I know I've been an idiot about this whole thing, and I hope that I've learned my lesson. Don't worry, I'll leave you alone. You won't have to worry about greeting me or including me in the conversation anymore. I'll find other things to do with my time than spend it with our friends when you are spending time with them.

Decisions, decisions

I have been unemployed now for 7 weeks. Now, in today's economy, I realize that's a relatively short time, and while I could probably find something to occupy myself if I didn't NEED to work to support myself, I'm rapidly tiring of not working. I truly enjoy working in the construction industry. Back in 2000, when a temp agency I'd worked a few short term jobs for called me and asked me about working on a construction site, I was perfectly happy to try something new. The warning that they included about the fact that it would be on a job site, and well, construction workers have a bit of a reputation for being crude, rough, and sexist, didn't phase me, since I grew up with brothers, and I long ago learned to handle myself when I need to. I found my groove in that job. In the last 9 years, I've worked on both the general contractor and the subcontractor side. I can't really say that I like one or the other better, though I suspect that the experience I've had on the subcontractor side will help me work better on the GC side. I've been debating for a year or so, taking some classes toward certification that could make me more marketable in the industry, and increase my earning potential. There are 3 programs in the area. 1 is through a "satellite" sort of campus of a "university" in another state. I am a bit wary of such programs, especially those that suddenly pop up with multiple campuses in a specific area in a relatively short time, and advertise through SPAM. The second is through Northlake College, which is part of the Dallas County Community College. Thisn option would garner the same classes as the third option, because they are affiliated, at a more affordable rate, and the option to make payments on the courses, rather than having to come up with all of the money at once. The drawback is that the end result is an Associate of Applied Science, which seems, at least to me, a few steps backward, since I've already got my BA. I suppose that positives to this option include that several of the requirements for graduation I've already completed as they were required for my BA. I will have to retake College Algebra, which should be interesting, since I hate math, and the last time around I took the D and was happy because it did get me my 3 hours credit for graduation. The 3rd option is through the Construction Education Foundation, and while that would lead to a certificate, the costs are higher than Northlake, and not all of the courses are available both places, and it's a pay it all up front sort of situation. If I lived in reasonable driving distance Houston (let's just say HELL NO), Beaumont (again, HELL NO), San Marcos (DITTO), Lubbock, San Antonio, College Station, or Commerce, I could enroll at one of the universities in TX that offer a Bachelor's or more in Construction Management, but alas, I don't, and I have no desire to relocate right now, so that blows that option. Tomorrow I will look into getting more information from the coordinator of the program at Northlake, as I think he should be able to tell me something about both programs, since they are associated. Off to bed. Oh, and I haven't forgotten about sharing my adventures at Sterling, I was just too wiped out when I got home to get it together and posted, and today my brain was all focused on this school thing.

BEAT IT

All of you people who just can't go past the death of Michael Jackson need to MOVE ON! I mean, seriously people, sure he was an icon. 20 FREAKING YEARS AGO! In the recent past, he has become a pathetic, androgenous freak of modern medicine. Sure, he had an abusive childhood, so did the rest of his siblings, but holy cow people, the rest of them have GROWN UP and become responsible adults, and tried to provide a loving, NORMAL life for their children. Or at least they've managed to keep their oddities quiet and out of the news. I am so tired of seeing stories about "the latest" information regarding his death, his will, his children's future, and now "FINAL VIDEO recorded as he rehearsed for his upcoming tour". WHO GIVES A RATS ASS? I sure don't, and pretty much neither does anyone else I know. The "King of Pop" died YEARS ago, before the "vitiligo" or skin bleaching or whatever caused his skin to fade from the brown that God made to the ultimately sallow grey that it became, before he had a cleft in his chin and did whatever else he had done that ultimately made him look like a non-asian geisha with a jeri-curl hairdo. Personally, I'm much more touched by the death of Mollie Sugden and Farrah Fawcett. The news of Mollie Sugden's death kinda made me miss my mother. Bless her heart, I'm not sure that her uptight, and well, prudish, self found Mrs. Slocombe's references to her cat funny for the same reasons that most of the rest of us did, but together we spent a lot of time laughing at her. Incidentally, I had just a couple of days earlier, updated my Amazon wish list to include all of the Are You Being Served series! Meanwhile, it's been a busy week around here, and frankly, I didn't get accomplished all that I had intended to finish before my weekend in NY, but that's how it goes sometimes. Hopefully, by the time I get home, there will be news about the interview I had last week, and I'll be gainfully employed again! I've also decided that I am going to take some classes this fall. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to pay for it, but I will figure it out. There are several courses available that I think will be very beneficial in furthering my career in my chosen field. I know that there is a program through DCCCD, which would cost me a little more than going to TCC, but a couple of the classes aren't available through TCC. Off to bed