Looking up

I don't want to get overly confident, but it appears that perhaps things are looking up, at least on the job search front. I had an appointment this morning with a local staffing agency. I had some success with them several years ago, before I had the job I lost this spring. Unfortunately, at that time, the positions they had available were nearly 50 miles, one way, away from my house, and the pay that was being offered would have been eaten up in gas. The good news is that they seemed impressed with my experience, confident that they would be able to place me, and, in fact, have a position that while it would likely be a year-long temporary position, I am an excellent match for, and it's in my industry! And it's less than 20 miles from my house (the last job was 26 or so)! I had put in all of my information online already, so there were only a few forms that I had to complete, and the orientation/office safety video. I just almost couldn't concentrate on it simply because "Sherlock Holmes" had SUCH a HORRIBLE British accent! At any rate, my Excel & Word scores were great, my typing speed was about what I expected, and my Power Point score was better than I had anticipated, considering I've done a whole ONE PPS in my entire life, and I generally don't have access to the program. Now I just have to wait for them to submit my information to the client and see when they want to interview me!

When I got home, I happened to look at my horoscope message that comes up every day on the welcome screen of my phone and found this: If you have been stamping the ground with impatience, dear Libra, waiting for the moment to jump into new adventures with renewed vigor after your meditation during the last few months, know that the moment has almost arrived! You now have the strategy, objective, and means at your disposal to success. Just a bit more work remains to be done. Gather your strength and get ready for action! Now, I don't live my life by the astrologer's statements or predictions, though I am often amazed at how accurate they are. This one came across to me as a positive reinforcement of my morning's activities.

On another note, there's someone in my world that has been quite important to me for awhile now, and the whole situation has had its ups and downs. I finally came to the realization that he is indeed an idiot. I have told him in the past that I need to figure out how not to be in love with him, and for awhile he gives me space, and then he sucks me back in, and I wind up tripping down that same path, flirting with him, looking forward to talking to him on some sort of schedule, and getting hurt feelings when that doesn't happen. It has occurred to me that this is all some sort of game to him, an idea that I resisted for months. If he REALLY wanted me to stop chasing him, and not flirt with him, he has had plenty of opportunities to either ask me directly to stop, or to talk to some of our friends who have questioned him about the whole situation about it bothering him. I am no longer going to stroke his ego just so he can feel wanted, let one of his other female friends, that he really gives a crap about do that. It's not as if he has women fawning over him. I don't know what it is that causes him to be unwilling to spend time alone with women who might actually be available to be in a romantic relationship with him, but for whatever reasons, the ones he will actually hang out and go places (other than with a group) with are all married or involved in committed relationships. My heart will eventually heal from this, but the whole situation is just another in the string of events over the past year that have caused me to question virtually all of my friendships, and my trust in both myself and the people with whom I surround myself. It sucks, and it's going to take me some time to rebuild my faith in my ability to trust what I'm dealing with.

Quote for the Day: Instead of looking at life as a narrowing funnel, we can see it ever widening to choose the things we want to do, to take the wisdom we've learned and create something. –Liz Carpenter

I must have been absent

The day that they passed out the forms that said "we guarantee you will be able to get a job after you graduate from our school". Oh, wait, that's right, they don't have those forms! But apparently, a woman in NY is under the impression that there is a guarantee that comes with her diploma. She is suing the private college she attended because she doesn't think they did enough to help her find a job when she graduated in April. It's some sort of business degree, but any FOOL knows that a degree does not come with the promise of a job. Hell, I have NEVER worked in the field of my degree. A Bachelor of Arts in History is not a particularly career friendly sheepskin, unless you want to teach, go to law school, or live somewhere with an abundance of rich history museums. I think that my degree has gotten me 1 temp-to-hire position, and that was not even in my field, not that the company cared. I think that the only thing that mattered to the company was that I would actually finish something that I started, and the degree shows that. Do I wish sometimes that I'd taken more business classes, or majored in something with stronger marketability? Sure. In retrospect, I should have taken some accounting, some HR, some more in depth computer classes. Even with those I wouldn't expect a guaranteed job.

I am consistently astounded at the sense of entitlement that people have these days. I've been unemployed for 11 weeks now, and do I think I SHOULD still have my old job? Yep, I absolutely do, however I don't, and I have spent well over 40 hours a week for the last 11 weeks trying to find something new. I've managed to secure my SECOND interview tomorrow morning. The first didn't pan out into a position for me, and I'm ok with that, because I was honest about my experience and abilities, and while I honestly believe I could have done what they were looking for a candidate to do, they wanted someone who already had the experience of doing it, and I don't. Do I believe that I DESERVE a response to the resumes I have sent, especially those that I specifically followed up with more than once? You betcha. Am I ENTITLED to know why they won't answer me, or give me the courtesy of an interview? Nope. For whatever reason, my resume didn't meet their criteria. Or they've called someone who is NOT on my reference list and the "Good Ole Boys" network rides again. There is a degree plan, actually a couple of options in my current field, and come the end of the month, hopefully I'll be enrolled in night classes at one of the community colleges in the area to work toward getting some certification under my belt. I have paid back my student loans, which, granted, didn't fund a $70K education, but that's mostly because I didn't go to a PRIVATE institution. I am sure that there are those who believe that a private school provides a better education and therefore an easier time finding a job, but I don't think that's necessarily true. It seems to me that it would benefit EVERY STUDENT to have to do some sort of residency or internship, just like doctors, nurses, teachers, and some other fields require. The bottom line is that a Bachelor's degree doesn't prepare a person for the real world any more than a standardized test prepares a high school student for college. (and THAT is a whole other rant that I will save for another day) The bottom line is that with my nearly 9 years experience in my field, with progressively more responsibility, I have applied for 15-20 different positions WITHIN MY FIELD (and fifty or so others in other industries for which I'm also qualified), and I've managed to score 1 interview.

If you ask me, little miss priss needs to get a grip on the real world and realize that she's looking for an entry-level position, and there are thousands of other people competing for that same position, despite the fact that I would venture to guess that at least half of the people competing for that same job have become victims of the recession and have a proven record of their successes IN THE REAL WORLD, and frankly, are a much better risk than the fresh-faced young thing with no experience.

Rant over.

Quote for the Day: "Anyone who has gumption knows what it is, and anyone who hasn't can never know what it is." –Lucy Maud Montgomery

August Already?

Where is the year going? It seems as if summer just began, yet we’ve gotten through June and July already. And I’ve only gotten to swim once! WTF??? Oh, yeah, I’ve not been able to afford to open my pool this year L. I went today over to my friend Vicki’s and hung out with her for a couple of hours in the pool, and then awhile longer in the hot tub, until clouds rolled in, and the lightning started in the distance. I’m clearly out of practice with the sunblock, as well, because while I didn’t get burned a lot, there are a few red spots, where I somehow didn’t manage to get the SPF100 applied. OOPS! It was my intention to start my candida detox today, but there was a fiasco last night with my bedspread, which I’d washed yesterday morning and hung across the deck rails to dry, not realizing when I left to go to dinner that there was rain on the way, and so this morning, instead of fixing myself a nice, healthy, minimally processed & raw foods breakfast, I grabbed a Dr Pepper and a package of cheez/pb crackers for my breakfast and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of my eating. I did stop on my way home at Central Market and picked up a kohlrabi, a couple of potatoes, some fresh herbs, snap peas, and a couple of cheese options, as well as some meat for a few days. Tomorrow will be better. Last night’s festivities started with dinner at Angela’s, with Angela, her hubby, and Lissa. Angela made an awesome pasta salad, which converted me totally to being a pasta salad person! I’ve never been much of one, and frankly most of the ones I encounter have stuff in them that I just don’t like cold, if at all, like peas (love them, HOT), onions, lots of tomato. This was very basic, whole grain pasta, some sliced grape tomatoes, chopped fresh spinach, a bit of mozzarella thrown in while it’s all still warm, and tossed in warm, seasoned olive oil. And warm garlic bread to go with it! MMMMHHHMMMMM. And for dessert some kind of Breyers ice cream. It was sort of vanilla with chocolate shavings in it… After dinner we cut Angela’s hair and watched So You Think You Can Dance and an episode of Dr. Who. I think I vaguely remember seeing an episode of the Dr. at some point in my past, but I didn’t appreciate the British humor until I was grown and so I was sort of a Whovirgin. Loved it, but not enough to fork out the additional dough to upgrade to the package that would get me BBCAmerica, so I’ll just have to borrow DVDs. I talked to my BFF today. For all of 20 minutes. And of that 20 minutes, she was involved solely in our conversation for about 2. The rest of the time she was wrestling the toddler, or having a conversation with our #1 Boy, who is now 18, and frankly, capable of managing to realize that the fact that Mom’s got the phone held up to her ear, thus she is ON THE TELEPHONE HAVING A CONVERSATION, and not decide that he MUST have a conversation with her. The last time I actually SPOKE to her was, umm, 3 weeks ago. In the last 10 years, the longest we’ve gone without talking on the phone was a week, and now it’s been 3. It is beginning to piss me off that every time she has been in crisis, she has been able to call me and talk to me about it, and now that my world has all gone to pieces, I can’t get a return call for weeks on end, and when I DO get the call, I don’t rate 5 minutes of undivided attention. I’ve known for a very long time that in most cases, I am a better friend than I have. I truly thought, however that she was the exception to that rule. I mean, over the last several months, I have learned that 2 people that I thought were my friends, were, in fact, using me. I don’t think she’s using, or has used me, and perhaps the fact that I have no children means I don’t have a concept of what she has on her plate, I don’t know. Perhaps I’m being too selfish. Or not. I have always been the strong one that people lean on, and now, when I find I need someone to lean on, the one who has always been there, is not. I realize that I tend not to ask for help, but I don’t like seeming weak or needy, and when I am in that place, I don’t like the person that I become. She is whiney, and bitchy, and frankly unpleasant to be around. Since I don’t like being around people like that, I try not to subject my friends to her. And the quote for the day: There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappiness if allowed to grow. Dorothea Brande

Busybusybusy

This has been a busy week, thus far, yet somehow I just don't feel like I've accomplished much to speak of, and that's annoying and frustrating. I've fallen into a vicious cycle of not sleeping properly at night, which leaves me very sleepy during the day, and then I fall asleep in the afternoon, which then keeps me from sleeping well that night and I'm stuck in that mess. Part of the problem, I'm sure, is that I don't do enough up and moving about throughout the day, and I'm working on that. I've also taken a couple of Candida overload kinds of tests which indicate that I am probably suffering from a proliferation of candida in my system, and likely have been for a VERY long time. The following is a list of issues associated with it:

• A bloated abdomen and/or abdominal pain
• **A slow and foggy mind
• A white coating on your tongue or inside your mouth
• Anal itching
• Chronic sinus problems
• **Constant fatigue
• **Feeling old and worn out
• Food cravings (especially for sugar) and **food sensitivities
• Hair loss
• **Headaches
• Heartburn, indigestion, and/or gas
• Herpes
• Intimate yeast infections and/or itchy skin rashes
• Mood swings, **memory or concentration difficulties
• Premenstrual symptoms
• Red, itching eyes
• **Sensitivity to molds, dampness, environmental pollution, cigarettes, and certain smells
• Skin fungus infections – recurrent ringworm, athlete's foot, tinea cruris (jock itch), or nail problems
• **Sore muscles and joints
• Urinary tract infections
• **Waking up tired
• Weight loss or gain
• Worried and depressed about always feeling lousy

Now, the **-ed items I've always attributed to my fibromyalgia, but I wonder now whether the fibro may be a symptom of the candida overload? I'm working on adding more raw foods into my diet, because I know I feel better when I have more of them, and I'm working on some research to see how to adapt my diet without totally depriving myself, which is always my downfall when I try to change my habits… I feel deprived, so I cheat, and then I give up. Giving up the Dr Pepper will be one of the hardest things for me. Candida feeds on sugar, so I have to get off the sodas, because I HATE diet sodas (unless they are properly spiked with Captain Morgan), and I am not sure that something in the formulation of them doesn't trigger (at least in me) a physiological (or psychosomatic) hunger or feeling of dissatisfaction and need to eat more to be sated. There are all sorts of Candida Cleanses out there, but virtually all of them involve becoming nearly vegan, and I loves me some MEAT! I have also read several articles that state that 70% of the diet should be raw food. I'm not sure I can convince myself to eat that much raw stuff…. I love salad, but eventually I get tired of chewing it! I'm going to aim for 50% by this time next week, and be more careful with what the other 50% is.

Other news in my world, the unemployment world is still sucky, and today it got a little worse, because I got notice that I owe the State of Texas all of the unemployment I've already collected, because they've reversed the decision to pay me, based on the phone hearing that was held a couple of weeks ago. I am NOT happy about this, because I feel that the company did not provide me with notice that there was an ongoing problem, and they misrepresented themselves in the hearing. I've appealed the decision to the Commission, but that's a written appeal, and they will review the previous hearing. I've not heard back yet whether or not they are going to listen to it or not. When you add up the wages I've lost and the money the state wants back, I am down 32% of my annual salary in just 10 weeks! My frustration mounts every day that passes and I don't hear back from the hundred (literally) or so contacts that I've made thus far. I did finally get a response from the interview I had in June, and another candidate was selected. I am not surprised, as the interviewer indicated to me that she was looking for someone with more contract analysis experience, whereas what I have is essentially review. I have also found that one that I applied for I am not being considered, and frankly, that doesn't come as a huge surprise, as it is a company with whom my former employer has done significant business, and I suspect that they picked up the phone and called someone over there who dislikes me. The lesson from that little bit is: focus on contractors that don't have long history with the former employer. There are a couple of others that show they are still in review, so maybe something will pan out there soon. I do have an appointment, FINALLY with a staffing agency over in Ft. Worth that did send me on a couple of interviews before I got the last job, but they were all 40+miles from where I lived in Arlington. Those same areas are closer to 15-20 from where I live now, so perhaps it will be a productive agency for me.

This weekend will begin the big EBAY selloff of stuff. I've got garb that I bought on impulse and shouldn't have because I won't wear it, I've got miscellaneous antique and old stuff, Christmas ornaments, a pretty good variety of stuff. I won't get rich, but hopefully I'll keep a roof over my head until I have something more steadily coming in.

Off to bed, another long day tomorrow starting with a trip to see a friend in the hospital.

…know that just because You are their friend, doesn’t mean THEY are yours

That is my addition to the adage "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

There are a lot of things that I will put up with, but being lied to is not one of them. Standing in front of me when I tell you something and acting as if you are utterly astounded to hear it, when you were fully aware that it was happening, and did, in fact, add to the situation, is LYING TO ME! Truthfully, I thought when that little lie was exposed, that perhaps your involvement and frankly, SUPPORT of the situation was an act of self-preservation, and I was willing to overlook it. Unfortunately, I have learned a hard lesson out of this whole fiasco, and that is to remember that just because I count someone among my friends, I shouldn't expect to be able to trust them and count on them if there is a crisis. Twice in the last year, I have done something to help someone (2 different people), which directly impacted my world, on a daily basis. Twice now my friendship and help has been repaid by deceit. We all know the story of the roomie from hell back at the beginning of the year. The second incident I won't go into details about, but will say that if I knew something that was going to cost someone who had been a good friend to me dearly, I would be talking to them about it, to be sure they were aware of the situation, before it turned their world upside down. And I would certainly NOT let it go on for 6 months, while they were oblivious to it.

Yeah, I'm MAD AS HELL about this, and I'm having to carefully take stock of the relationships in my world, to be sure I don't get shafted again.

Friday Ramblings

Apparently it rained in my neighborhood last night while I slept. I suppose that the really good news is that I actually slept through it. I usually wake up when it starts, but perhaps it wasn't raining as hard here as it did in other parts of the metroplex. My rain gauge showed less than a quarter of an inch, so it must've mostly been farther south. As much as I love living in Texas, and have no desire to live anywhere else, I just absolutely HATE the unbearable heat we get most summers. Fortunately, the rain brought the temps down to less than a hundred degrees, at least for a few days. The kittens have decided that a couple of my potted plants are most excellent spots to play jungle kitty, and be able to pounce on whichever sibling happens by. I fear that I've lost part of what's in one, but at least it was something inexpensive and the rest of what is in there is pretty hardy, and should not be harmful to them as they chew on it.

This morning, when I happened upon yet another job search site, I was putting my resume into it, and I discovered a few things that may be part of the problem with this week's submissions and resulted in not getting any response from them. I feel pretty dumb about it, and I really have no excuse. I've now printed off both versions (Construction and non-construction) and proofed them again. I will probably take copies with me when I go see some friends tomorrow evening and have them proof as well, just in case my eyes missed something else. I am really hoping that this unemployment period will end soon. The first time I went through it, I was unemployed completely for about 6 months, then I was employed part-time for several months while I was caring for Mom during her final months. The second time I was unemployed, it lasted just over 3 months, so if the trend of shorter periods each time, something will turn up in the next couple of weeks.

I am still frustrated by the resume harvest-bots that keep sending me emails that say "we have reviewed your information posted on (choose a job board and insert here), and would like to invite you to interview for sales/marketing/start your own insurance agency". There is NOTHING in my resume or experience that would indicate that I am remotely interested in sales, marketing, or insurance. In fact, the resume that is searchable on EVERY SITE I'M ON specifically states that I am looking for an administrative position in the CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY. I have a total of 7 former employers listed. The 3 that cover the past 9 years are all construction. 2 are staffing agencies that were varied ADMINISTRATIVE/SECRETARIAL assignments, and actually one of those provided my entry into the construction industry, one was a dairy transport company doing payroll & HR support, and the last one (17 years ago) was a customer service position. It frustrates me to no end that they obviously aren't READING anything other than my name and email address! I suppose that on some level they assume that everyone is desperate enough to be willing to take ANYTHING, but I'm not willing to take a job that 1. I believe is a scam (yeah, I think your "work from home for a few weeks until we open our office in your area to process payments" offer is a SCAM), 2. Involves selling insurance for a company that I have found, from personal experience, to be terrible to both their claimants AND their insured, 3. Is more than 30 miles from where I currently live, or 4. Makes impossible promises of income (today's SPAM filter netted "Earn $24,000 in 24 hours"). Also, if your email address is so generic, or for whatever other reason my (medium-setting) Yahoo account automatically filters you to SPAM, I'm going to try to research your company before I send you a damned thing, and if that research doesn't provide me with a valid website that includes a PHYSICAL ADDRESS AND non-toll-free phone number, SPAM is where it will remain.

And today's WTF? is the Lingerie Football League. Seriously, women in lingerie and football pads playing 7 on 7? I get the whole women can play full contact football. Hell, I used to get in trouble in PE because somehow, my touches or flag grabs in touch/flag football wound up including a tackle. I grew up with brothers. Football is, in my opinion a CONTACT sport. Touch and flag are not real football. But in their underwear and with the football pads on the outside? Really? I would think that the potential for injury by the pads from pinching or whatever might happen if your hand got caught in the wrong spot of a pad with nothing covering it would be pretty high. Oh, I'm sure that a great many men will enjoy seeing chicks run around the field scantily clad, but I just don't see it going over fabulously, at least in Texas. For one thing, it's played on Friday nights. In Texas, Friday night is HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL. It's a whole lifestyle, it seems, and not much goes on in these parts on Friday nights during the fall. I suppose we'll have to see what happens with it, but I don't expect much, and I certainly won't be spending any time or money on it.

Off to bed, the cats will be up early making demands, I'm sure!

Harry Potter & more

It's been 8.5 weeks that I've been unemployed. It sucks, big time, but I continue to soldier on. In an effort to conserve funds, I'm trying very hard not to go anywhere that I don't absolutely HAVE to go. My job search has been a daily task, searching Monster, CareerBuilder, Constructionjobs, HotJobs, WorkInTexas, and any other job board I can find that has listings in my area. I've had one interview, but never heard anything back from them, despite the fact that I have left a message and sent an email to follow up. I think that's the MOST frustrating thing, not getting any feedback. I have submitted between 3 and 10 resumes EVERY WEEK, and I've gotten 1 stupid interview. It's not as if I'm not well qualified for the positions I'm applying for. Granted, the one for which I interviewed, I suspect they really wanted someone with more specific contract administration experience. I am registered for a 3 day seminar week after next through TWC, perhaps that will help me figure out what I'm not doing as well as I could.

Tuesday afternoon I was utterly & completely tired of being in my house. The thought did cross my mind to head out to one of the dozens of midnight showings of Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince, but then I remembered how crazy crowds make me, and I decided that I would give it a couple of days and let the initial furor that seems to always accompany the releases. Yesterday wasn't terribly bad, NCIS had an all day marathon, so there was at least something that kept me entertained while I was puttering around the house and checking job boards. I made a small grocery run to pick up a few things so I could have a decent meal last night and tonite, and I decided that I would try to hit one of the matinees today, in the hopes that since it is a weekday, and the theater had it on 8 screens, I might manage to see it without 500 other people packed into the theatre like sardines. SCORE! I got there technically in time for the very next showing, but as it was 5 minutes to showtime and I wanted a little popcorn, a drink, and a trip to the ladies room before I settled in for 2.5 hours, I elected to get a ticket for the following show. That showing was in one of the smaller theatres, but I don't think I missed anything seeing it on a smaller screen. There were 2 people already in the theatre when I got there, and after that a grand total of 5 more adults and a 6 year old came in as well. I was a bit concerned about the child, but she did very well, only talking a couple of times, and one of those was during the previews. What an awesome movie! I'm really thinking I need to re-read the books, and actually, watch the rest of the movies again. *a little side note, last weekend I watched the marathon on whatever channel it was, of several of the other movies. Call me stupid a dork, but it wasn't until Harry's first transport by Flue Powder, when instead of Diagon Alley, he said Diagonally that I caught the play on words! ::headdesk:: Obviously even when I read the books I didn't catch it, but I am going to blame that on the fact that before I read any of the books, I saw HP & The Prisoner of Azkaban, which hooked me, and I borrowed all of my #1 Boy's books and brought them home with me to read. I devoured them so quickly that I just must have skimmed over a lot of stuff! I don't know what it is about Snape, but as long as Alan Rickman is in that costume, he makes the girlybits quite happy! I'm not sure what it says about me that I get all hot and bothered by an evil one, and I've not seen him in anything else that makes me wanna just knock him over and have my wicked way with him, but whooeeeee! Maybe it's the hair… I LOVES me some long hair. Not that Jason Isaacs ever did it for me, even with all that hair as Lucious Malfoy, but then he was purely evil, and there was something just, umm, FREAKY about that bleached out white hair.

My little outside kitties are doing well. The kittens will come and eat if I'm sitting on the step, and they'll come up on the patio when I'm sitting out there. Mind you, they don't get within touching distance on the patio, but they don't run and hide where I can't see them. They will go under the deck, where they can see me, and I can see them, and I'm ok with that. This weekend I'm going to get my friend's trap and try to get mama trapped so I can have her spayed before she gets knocked up again! I have determined that the little creamy one with the points is a girl, and the little grey one is a boy. The tuxedo I can't tell for sure, but I'm leaning toward boy.

I think that's about it for tonite. I need to get better about this blogging thing, and perhaps with a little more work, I can manage that. I should really be doing more organizing of the stuff at my house. I think tomorrow I'm tackling the media room and getting stuff re-sorted so that when I get the storage room cleaned out I can put stuff that goes in there away.