The End of a Season

Last week I posted about the end of faire, and you know, well, the funk didn't REALLY set in until today. This weekend was Texas Scottish Festival in Arlington. For many of the rennies in the area, myself included, it marks the true end of our Spring Faire season. Often, TSF, which is held beginning the first Friday of June, is the weekend immediately after Scarby closes on Memorial Day. The last couple of years, we've had a weekend to rest in between, which is especially good for the traveling entertainers and vendors who participate in Scarby and TSF both, because they have a weekend in between, instead of getting home (in many cases close to midnight) on Memorial Day Monday, then having to turn around on Friday and come right back again. It occurred to me last night, that there are several people that I've seen a great deal of over the past, ohhh, 3 months, and I (and my cats, to be completely honest) have become accustomed to seeing them every week, or every other week. If I'm able to find work and get things arranged, AND they participate in Dickens on the Strand in December, I will see them again in 6 months. Yeah, that's a REALLY long dry spell. Especially considering that last year, I only had to wait 4 months, then 2 months, then 3 months. Yeah, I'm pretty spoiled to seeing them regularly and I'm going to miss them terribly over the next few months. It's possible that I might see one of them when I go to Sterling next month, but that's kind of a 'cross our fingers and hope we can work it out' sort of situation. I'm pretty sure that there is a meltdown coming in the next several days, so we'll see what happens, right? My weekend began Friday night with my youngest nephew's high school graduation. If I wasn't so puffed up with pride over their accomplishments, I'd be jealous of his and his older brother's brains! Stevie graduated 7th in his class with multiple honors. Yeah, I was really happy to be in the 3rd quarter of my class, I could NEVER have made 7th, and certainly not Valedictorian like his brother did. I was running late, which made the Queen of Early that's inside me absolutely NUTS like nobody's business, but I was NOT the last to arrive! After graduation we went to dinner, and then back to the house, where I gave Stevie my old laptop. I suppose it speaks volumes as to my addiction to my laptop that once I spilled the water on the old one and I couldn't get it to work within a day, I went and replaced it. Now, in my defense, I HAD already been considering upgrading to increase the size of my hard drive, because in a year and a half I'd filled up like 70% of the old one, so it wasn't a totally spur of the moment purchase. Stevie really felt like between all the geeks that live in their house, he could get it up and running again. Yeah, he was in business practically before I got home that night! He's replacing the keyboard module or somesuch thing that I've no clue about, but hey, the computer was revived, he's got a great tool for when he starts college in the fall, and I'm quite happy that despite my unemployment (which DID come AFTER the 'demise' of the laptop) I was able to give him something awesome for graduation. At any rate, it's been a busy weekend, I've either got a low grade fever or a mild sunburn (sunblock nazi FAIL), and I've gotten through today on about 5 hours of sleep, so I think it's off to bed for me. Tomorrow is a trip to Weatherford so my NY sister can meet the awesomeness that is Our Molly (my & tom's sweet little short-legged deaf kitty who lives at Erin's), Thumbelina (Erin's short-legged hairless kitty-a bambino), Blondie (Erin's other Sphynx) and the other kitties that live there.

Surprise! Part Deux

Back in January, I posted an entry about a formerly close friend. I replied to that email, and while I did give her a brief update on the high points of my world at the time (I left out the part about being annoyed by the leech), I didn't give her my current phone number, because, well, I wasn't ready for her to have that much ability to get into my world. Since then, I have gotten exactly 2 emails from her, both general forwards with no personal notes at all. Today, there popped into my inbox, an email from her practically begging me to take her in so she doesn't have to go out onto the streets because her current situation, with a cousin, is just not working out, whatever the hell that means, and there's no room at her dads. She's got a part time job for like 3 days this month and some interviews set up, but from the sounds of things, no steady income. I suppose that for too long I've been too nice or something. Somehow it's as if I'm expected to take in every stray that comes across my path. Yeah, well, the leech took care of that for all you strays out there! NEVER AGAIN am I going to share my space with anyone other than a husband or life partner, who will be equally responsible for the lease and bills! AND, if I was going to take in someone, it would be someone who is truly my friend, and is actually interested interested in spending time with me and talking to me just because we are friends, rather than because I can do something for them. I cannot devote any more time to people that suck the energy and joy out of my world. I have enough drama on my own, so please don't try to involve me in yours, k?thanks On the up side, I have an iterview tomorrow with a staffing agency for a position that is about half the distance I used to have to drive to the job I loved in Dallas. I'm figuring on about 2.5 hours or so tomorrow late morning/early afternoon to get that taken care of. I have had a couple of other nibbles on my resumes that are posted, but somehow I don't get how "Administrative Assistant or Office Manager" translates into Sales Associate. I list NO SALES EXPERIENCE on my resume or skills. I specifically state that I am looking for an office position, why the HELL are you emailing me about the Assistant Manager position for your retail store? GAAAH OK, off to bed so tomorrow I won't have bags under my eyes

That's what I get for thinking

I truly thought that by now I might be having an easier time dealing with what I've come to see as rejection, though I know it's not. The end of faire is always hard for me, but this year it seems that it's been about a thousand times worse. Part of the problem is my unemployment, I know. The bigger part of the problem is that I'm sort of relieved that faire is over, which has never happened to me before, and that little bit I blame on my own stupidity. This time last year, I was a bit bummed, but not truly depressed. I had a great circle of friends that I truly enjoy hanging out with and things seemed to be moving along smoothly. Then came the end of July, and I just HAD to listen to people that I probably should have not listened to. I let myself be talked into putting my heart on the line and opening it back up. That in itself is not a bad thing. The bad part is that the one I opened it up to was not ready to reciprocate, but being the idiot that I am, I ignored his words and some of his actions, and instead focused on other actions, and what I and other people (mis)interpreted those actions to mean. Yeah, all along, my brain would say "HEY STUPID! GIVE IT UP, IT AIN'T HAPPENING BECAUSE YOU AREN'T WORTH IT" and my heart would argue "But, maybe you are worth it. There's nobody else in the picture, go for it. He's not running away". Being the Libra that I am, I listened to my heart instead of my head, and now here I sit, lonely and miserable. And that pisses me the hell off. It pisses me off at me, at him, at everyone who said what they thought I wanted to hear "oh, he likes you, he's just scared." I was FINE with who I am, on my own, and really had reached a point that not having that special someone in my life who thinks I'm awesome and wants to be with me no longer consumed my every thought. I suppose that part of the reason I was ok with it is that I had closed my heart off. I've lost relationships before, and sure I was sad for awhile, but never did it make me sick, literally. All I can do is take it one day at a time, and try to work my way through it, despite the heartache. I'm not the center of anyone's world except mine, and I understand that. I suppose that I just need decide that it's ok that I don't talk to people when I expect to, and that it's not anything that I've done wrong, or that is wrong with me, no matter what my brain says. In other news, have you ever noticed random things in someone's basket at the store and wondered just what the hell they are planning to do with that? This afternoon I stopped to get some ground meat and buns so I could make burgers. The woman behind me had 10 items in her basket... 6 packs of Juicy Fruit gum (and she had to go to 2 different check stands to collect those 6 packs) and 4 cans of women's shaving foam or gel. Not one other item. Maybe there's going to be a gumchewing, leg-shaving party at her house???

FunkyTown

Yeah, I'm in a funk, again. It happens every year when faire comes to an end. This year, however, it's been a little harder. Overall, it was a rough season for me, and I'm still working through my feelings about what caused the rough patches. Actually, this evening, I thought I had found a bright spot, but, well, of course as soon as I started to think it might be something good, that rug got yanked. Again. I did learn, also, that it's better for me not to have company for closing weekend. I tend to forget that I seriously need my downtime during the weekend, and the following few days, and I can't do that when I'm having to share my space with company. When faire ends, I really need a few days of nobody in the house except me and the cats, otherwise I get very cranky and negative. There are a handful of people in my world who are ALWAYS negative, and that constant negativity drives me up a wall. That's part of the reason that I hate when I get into these negative cycles. It really bothers me that I am inflicting upon my friends (who I know are just going to love me through it anyway), the very thing that makes me berserk about other people. Effective Sunday, I have no health insurance, so tomorrow's task is to find out whether or not my prescriptions, which are, fortunately, generics, are on any of the local pharmacies' $4/month list or something, so I can continue to take them. On the upside of the past couple of days is the fact that I got my Unemployment Benefit Decision, and I'll collect enough that I'm not going to be homeless, carless, or without utilities, at least for a few months if I don't find something quickly. It's going to mean tightening my belt on some things, and it may drain my savings a bit, but I won't be on the street or anything. Now I'll try to get some sleep, in my quiet house.

Once Again

When I think things are just bopping along fine, someone or something comes along and yanks the rug out from under me. Yesterday, I was fired from my job, with no warning whatsoever. I didn't know that there was a problem with my performance until they told me that they were firing me. It totally pisses me off because I liked that job, and generally I like the people I was working with, but apparently I had a false sense of security. So now I have to get my resume back together. The last time I had to send out resumes my desktop was still working. It has since gotten the blue screen of death, and I'm on my 3rd laptop (first was a gift of an ancient, barely working unit; 2nd was killed by water spillage a few weeks ago). On the upside, I am going to spend this week getting pictures edited from Scarby this season, sorting out my itunes, and finding all the stuff I transferred from the previous laptop and still haven't had time to find and reorganize on this one. Also on the upside, I don't have to take vacation time to leave early friday for faire, and go back down to the site on Tuesday to pick up my cooler, etc. I also have a friend flying in early Thursday afternoon, so now I don't have to leave work early that day, either.

Week 7

Another weekend at faire has come to a close. Yesterday's light but steady rain made for lots of ponds about the shire, slick paths, bogs, and a fairly thin crowd. Today, however, dawned cool (literally, I think it was in the upper 50s when we got out to the site this morning), especially for mid-may. By noon traffic was backed up on the highway for miles, and when I left to head home, all of the rows had been parked as far up as they could possibly be parked. Several vendors said they were having better days than we have recently. That's awesome! I'm hoping that SOMEONE got pics of me, because I sure didn't manage to get anyone to take any, in my new festive pirate outfit, with my feathered hat of awesomeness. On the down side, I kind of thought that I would be better prepared to be seeing some of the people I'm going to see next weekend, but considering the minor meltdown I had on the way home, I'm thinkin' Sunday's gonna be hard.

Yeah, it's been awhile since I managed to get a decent post up. A lot has happened of late. Thursday night, some dork (gee, I wonder who that might be?) bumped into the tv tray table that had my laptop AND a half a glass of water on it. *sigh* even though I had plans for a new laptop in the next several months or so, I was NOT planning on it right now, especially since this week I have to pay my deductible to get my freshly repaired Escape out of hock at the body shop. In the end, I have a shiny new laptop for less money than what I spent on the other one, and with more memory and a faster processor. I was terribly distraught at the idea that I could lose thousands of photos, and have to totally reload all of my Itunes music (somewhere around 2500 songs). My Ipod decided over the weekend that 3 of the tunes that are on my "totally zone me out and calm me down" playlist (it's actually just 1 cd) were no longer worth having at normal speed, and therefore they were put on SPEED. Now I need to resync my Ipod too. GREAT! When I got home from faire on Sunday evening, I tried turning on the original laptop, to discover that it powers itself right back off again. Ok, sure, I'll let it dry out some more. Last night, I discovered that it would power up, but only stays on as long as it's plugged in, and the battery doesn't charge up at all. In my search for my Ipod cord, I did come across an EZ Transfer cable. SCORE! I powered up both units, connected them via the cable, and transferred everything from one laptop to the other. At least I hope I transferred everything. Of course it all transferred into random places, so it will probably take me weeks to figure out where everything is, and I'll spend hours populating my Itunes Library and getting my playlists set back up, but at least hopefully I didn't lose anything... Last night I picked up my car, YAY! I may have mentioned that I HATE that Prius. Sure, I'm all for being environmentally conscious and reducing my carbon footprint, however I HATE driving cars that are low to the ground. I've been driving trucks/vans/small SUVs for about 10 years now, and I literally felt like I was getting road rash on my ass! I don't drive a gas hog, I average about 20 mpg in my Escape, and since I'm not about to go back into a compact car, that's about the best I can expect in whatever I'm going to drive. I have to give kudos to Craig's Collision for getting my car done and back to me in 13 working days, rather than the 21 that my insurance adjuster estimated. I was a bit concerned about that because it meant I would need to turn in my rental early or over a weekend or two so that I wouldn't run over my allowed days (30 calendar days). The car looks great, everything matches, and the front is all shiny with it's fresh coat of paint.