Decisions, decisions

I have been unemployed now for 7 weeks. Now, in today's economy, I realize that's a relatively short time, and while I could probably find something to occupy myself if I didn't NEED to work to support myself, I'm rapidly tiring of not working. I truly enjoy working in the construction industry. Back in 2000, when a temp agency I'd worked a few short term jobs for called me and asked me about working on a construction site, I was perfectly happy to try something new. The warning that they included about the fact that it would be on a job site, and well, construction workers have a bit of a reputation for being crude, rough, and sexist, didn't phase me, since I grew up with brothers, and I long ago learned to handle myself when I need to. I found my groove in that job. In the last 9 years, I've worked on both the general contractor and the subcontractor side. I can't really say that I like one or the other better, though I suspect that the experience I've had on the subcontractor side will help me work better on the GC side. I've been debating for a year or so, taking some classes toward certification that could make me more marketable in the industry, and increase my earning potential. There are 3 programs in the area. 1 is through a "satellite" sort of campus of a "university" in another state. I am a bit wary of such programs, especially those that suddenly pop up with multiple campuses in a specific area in a relatively short time, and advertise through SPAM. The second is through Northlake College, which is part of the Dallas County Community College. Thisn option would garner the same classes as the third option, because they are affiliated, at a more affordable rate, and the option to make payments on the courses, rather than having to come up with all of the money at once. The drawback is that the end result is an Associate of Applied Science, which seems, at least to me, a few steps backward, since I've already got my BA. I suppose that positives to this option include that several of the requirements for graduation I've already completed as they were required for my BA. I will have to retake College Algebra, which should be interesting, since I hate math, and the last time around I took the D and was happy because it did get me my 3 hours credit for graduation. The 3rd option is through the Construction Education Foundation, and while that would lead to a certificate, the costs are higher than Northlake, and not all of the courses are available both places, and it's a pay it all up front sort of situation. If I lived in reasonable driving distance Houston (let's just say HELL NO), Beaumont (again, HELL NO), San Marcos (DITTO), Lubbock, San Antonio, College Station, or Commerce, I could enroll at one of the universities in TX that offer a Bachelor's or more in Construction Management, but alas, I don't, and I have no desire to relocate right now, so that blows that option. Tomorrow I will look into getting more information from the coordinator of the program at Northlake, as I think he should be able to tell me something about both programs, since they are associated. Off to bed. Oh, and I haven't forgotten about sharing my adventures at Sterling, I was just too wiped out when I got home to get it together and posted, and today my brain was all focused on this school thing.

Surprise! Part Deux

Back in January, I posted an entry about a formerly close friend. I replied to that email, and while I did give her a brief update on the high points of my world at the time (I left out the part about being annoyed by the leech), I didn't give her my current phone number, because, well, I wasn't ready for her to have that much ability to get into my world. Since then, I have gotten exactly 2 emails from her, both general forwards with no personal notes at all. Today, there popped into my inbox, an email from her practically begging me to take her in so she doesn't have to go out onto the streets because her current situation, with a cousin, is just not working out, whatever the hell that means, and there's no room at her dads. She's got a part time job for like 3 days this month and some interviews set up, but from the sounds of things, no steady income. I suppose that for too long I've been too nice or something. Somehow it's as if I'm expected to take in every stray that comes across my path. Yeah, well, the leech took care of that for all you strays out there! NEVER AGAIN am I going to share my space with anyone other than a husband or life partner, who will be equally responsible for the lease and bills! AND, if I was going to take in someone, it would be someone who is truly my friend, and is actually interested interested in spending time with me and talking to me just because we are friends, rather than because I can do something for them. I cannot devote any more time to people that suck the energy and joy out of my world. I have enough drama on my own, so please don't try to involve me in yours, k?thanks On the up side, I have an iterview tomorrow with a staffing agency for a position that is about half the distance I used to have to drive to the job I loved in Dallas. I'm figuring on about 2.5 hours or so tomorrow late morning/early afternoon to get that taken care of. I have had a couple of other nibbles on my resumes that are posted, but somehow I don't get how "Administrative Assistant or Office Manager" translates into Sales Associate. I list NO SALES EXPERIENCE on my resume or skills. I specifically state that I am looking for an office position, why the HELL are you emailing me about the Assistant Manager position for your retail store? GAAAH OK, off to bed so tomorrow I won't have bags under my eyes

Ups & Downs

Another weekend of faire has come and gone. Saturday I was out with one of my adoptakids, who is 9. He's a sweetheart, and we had a pretty good time. I'm thinkin' I'll take him again next month when another friend will have someone in with a 2nd grader. The Rogues added a show to the schedule on a stage on the other side of the festival this weekend. It's not an official show, but they discovered an empty stage, and seized the opportunity to entertain people who may not always make it to Pecan Grove, for whatever reason. I think it went over fairly well. Sunday dawned cold and wet from overnight rains and a bit of ongoing drizzle, which kept a lot of people away, though about half of my usual bunch made it out. I had high expectations of Sunday, which, I guess, in the grand scheme of things, I should have known would not pan out, because, well, they never do. I won't say it was my least happy day at faire, but it's pretty close to that. I couldn't even get motivated to go to the afternoon Rogues shows, and even listening to them from the other side of the stage didn't help. Yeah, I was in a BAAAD way. I'm tired, and have been, frankly overwrought about this, so I know that this is not the time to make any sort of decisions, but I am hugely afraid that I have spent 8 months working toward a goal that is not going to ever be. On one hand, most of the time I've generally been happier and more content than I have ever been in my life. On the other hand, I'm finding that the price I'm paying is just too much to pay for little or nothing in return. The good days far outnumber the bad ones, but the bad ones are just a wee bit away from being absolutely unbearable. *sigh* I don't know how much longer I can deal with them. Photos of 1st and 2nd week later this week, I hope...

SURPRISE!

Several months ago, I had to make a really hard decision to eliminate someone who had once been a close friend from my world. I just couldn’t bear to watch her continue to make choices that I believed then, and actually, still do believe, would lead to her demise. We’d been friends for, oh, somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 years by that time. We’d been through multiple major events, including an accident that could have claimed her life or left her paralyzed or crippled, and several years later, the deaths of our mothers within a year of each other. The last time I actually spoke to her was in October of 2007, and at that time I learned that she’d lied to me, and possibly to the courts. She was, I suspect, intoxicated at the time of our conversation. I knew then that I would have to put some distance between us, because despite the warnings that I am certain were sent by whatever higher power anyone chooses to believe in, she continued to engage in self destructive behaviors, as well as maintain a relationship with a passive-aggressive jerk. I reached a point that I was just plain tired of watching people I love die. Periodically, I would get some silly email forward from her, but rarely did I get anything substantial from her, until June of 2008, when she emailed to say she was going to marry the jerk. I couldn’t even answer that email, because I’d told her until I was tired of repeating myself that I don’t like him, I don’t want to be around him, and I believe that they are bad for each other. And how do you tell someone you once considered one of your best friends that, well, you want her to be happy but you won’t be celebrating the marriage. At some point after that, she lost her job. I don’t know the story there, other than the company didn’t want her to leave when she moved to Austin, and was eager to hire her back when she moved back from Austin. In the ensuing months, I grieved over the loss of the friendship, and I grieved for the fact that I might never know what happened to her. It broke my heart, and it still pains me, though I know that I’m not the person that she knew the last time we saw each other (September ’07). I am stronger, more self assured, and in general, in a better place. Imagine my surprise this afternoon when I opened my email and found a message from her. It was a bit of a nutshell sort of thing, with no real answers or explanations. Sure, it started with “sorry I couldn’t get in touch with you sooner.” And ended with “if you life isn’t too hectic I’d love to hear from you.” In between there was also an “I wish I could talk to you” in the middle somewhere. I’m torn, between shooting her an email telling her exactly what I think about the way she treated me, ignoring her, and coming up with something in between. I will probably wind up emailing her, but telling her that there is just too much water under the bridge to pick up where we left off. I just don’t trust her anymore. I’d like to have my friend back, but not if it’s the friend that got lost. The one I want back is the one that I had, oh, 7 years or so back, not the one that came back to FW from Austin. *sigh* I just can’t make those sorts of decisions quickly. My health and well-being are paramount to me, and emotionally, that has meant not having her in my world for awhile. I don’t know if I’m quite ready to have her back in it. I’m going to sleep on it for a few days and maybe make a decision over the weekend.