Friday Ramblings

Apparently it rained in my neighborhood last night while I slept. I suppose that the really good news is that I actually slept through it. I usually wake up when it starts, but perhaps it wasn't raining as hard here as it did in other parts of the metroplex. My rain gauge showed less than a quarter of an inch, so it must've mostly been farther south. As much as I love living in Texas, and have no desire to live anywhere else, I just absolutely HATE the unbearable heat we get most summers. Fortunately, the rain brought the temps down to less than a hundred degrees, at least for a few days. The kittens have decided that a couple of my potted plants are most excellent spots to play jungle kitty, and be able to pounce on whichever sibling happens by. I fear that I've lost part of what's in one, but at least it was something inexpensive and the rest of what is in there is pretty hardy, and should not be harmful to them as they chew on it.

This morning, when I happened upon yet another job search site, I was putting my resume into it, and I discovered a few things that may be part of the problem with this week's submissions and resulted in not getting any response from them. I feel pretty dumb about it, and I really have no excuse. I've now printed off both versions (Construction and non-construction) and proofed them again. I will probably take copies with me when I go see some friends tomorrow evening and have them proof as well, just in case my eyes missed something else. I am really hoping that this unemployment period will end soon. The first time I went through it, I was unemployed completely for about 6 months, then I was employed part-time for several months while I was caring for Mom during her final months. The second time I was unemployed, it lasted just over 3 months, so if the trend of shorter periods each time, something will turn up in the next couple of weeks.

I am still frustrated by the resume harvest-bots that keep sending me emails that say "we have reviewed your information posted on (choose a job board and insert here), and would like to invite you to interview for sales/marketing/start your own insurance agency". There is NOTHING in my resume or experience that would indicate that I am remotely interested in sales, marketing, or insurance. In fact, the resume that is searchable on EVERY SITE I'M ON specifically states that I am looking for an administrative position in the CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY. I have a total of 7 former employers listed. The 3 that cover the past 9 years are all construction. 2 are staffing agencies that were varied ADMINISTRATIVE/SECRETARIAL assignments, and actually one of those provided my entry into the construction industry, one was a dairy transport company doing payroll & HR support, and the last one (17 years ago) was a customer service position. It frustrates me to no end that they obviously aren't READING anything other than my name and email address! I suppose that on some level they assume that everyone is desperate enough to be willing to take ANYTHING, but I'm not willing to take a job that 1. I believe is a scam (yeah, I think your "work from home for a few weeks until we open our office in your area to process payments" offer is a SCAM), 2. Involves selling insurance for a company that I have found, from personal experience, to be terrible to both their claimants AND their insured, 3. Is more than 30 miles from where I currently live, or 4. Makes impossible promises of income (today's SPAM filter netted "Earn $24,000 in 24 hours"). Also, if your email address is so generic, or for whatever other reason my (medium-setting) Yahoo account automatically filters you to SPAM, I'm going to try to research your company before I send you a damned thing, and if that research doesn't provide me with a valid website that includes a PHYSICAL ADDRESS AND non-toll-free phone number, SPAM is where it will remain.

And today's WTF? is the Lingerie Football League. Seriously, women in lingerie and football pads playing 7 on 7? I get the whole women can play full contact football. Hell, I used to get in trouble in PE because somehow, my touches or flag grabs in touch/flag football wound up including a tackle. I grew up with brothers. Football is, in my opinion a CONTACT sport. Touch and flag are not real football. But in their underwear and with the football pads on the outside? Really? I would think that the potential for injury by the pads from pinching or whatever might happen if your hand got caught in the wrong spot of a pad with nothing covering it would be pretty high. Oh, I'm sure that a great many men will enjoy seeing chicks run around the field scantily clad, but I just don't see it going over fabulously, at least in Texas. For one thing, it's played on Friday nights. In Texas, Friday night is HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL. It's a whole lifestyle, it seems, and not much goes on in these parts on Friday nights during the fall. I suppose we'll have to see what happens with it, but I don't expect much, and I certainly won't be spending any time or money on it.

Off to bed, the cats will be up early making demands, I'm sure!

Harry Potter & more

It's been 8.5 weeks that I've been unemployed. It sucks, big time, but I continue to soldier on. In an effort to conserve funds, I'm trying very hard not to go anywhere that I don't absolutely HAVE to go. My job search has been a daily task, searching Monster, CareerBuilder, Constructionjobs, HotJobs, WorkInTexas, and any other job board I can find that has listings in my area. I've had one interview, but never heard anything back from them, despite the fact that I have left a message and sent an email to follow up. I think that's the MOST frustrating thing, not getting any feedback. I have submitted between 3 and 10 resumes EVERY WEEK, and I've gotten 1 stupid interview. It's not as if I'm not well qualified for the positions I'm applying for. Granted, the one for which I interviewed, I suspect they really wanted someone with more specific contract administration experience. I am registered for a 3 day seminar week after next through TWC, perhaps that will help me figure out what I'm not doing as well as I could.

Tuesday afternoon I was utterly & completely tired of being in my house. The thought did cross my mind to head out to one of the dozens of midnight showings of Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince, but then I remembered how crazy crowds make me, and I decided that I would give it a couple of days and let the initial furor that seems to always accompany the releases. Yesterday wasn't terribly bad, NCIS had an all day marathon, so there was at least something that kept me entertained while I was puttering around the house and checking job boards. I made a small grocery run to pick up a few things so I could have a decent meal last night and tonite, and I decided that I would try to hit one of the matinees today, in the hopes that since it is a weekday, and the theater had it on 8 screens, I might manage to see it without 500 other people packed into the theatre like sardines. SCORE! I got there technically in time for the very next showing, but as it was 5 minutes to showtime and I wanted a little popcorn, a drink, and a trip to the ladies room before I settled in for 2.5 hours, I elected to get a ticket for the following show. That showing was in one of the smaller theatres, but I don't think I missed anything seeing it on a smaller screen. There were 2 people already in the theatre when I got there, and after that a grand total of 5 more adults and a 6 year old came in as well. I was a bit concerned about the child, but she did very well, only talking a couple of times, and one of those was during the previews. What an awesome movie! I'm really thinking I need to re-read the books, and actually, watch the rest of the movies again. *a little side note, last weekend I watched the marathon on whatever channel it was, of several of the other movies. Call me stupid a dork, but it wasn't until Harry's first transport by Flue Powder, when instead of Diagon Alley, he said Diagonally that I caught the play on words! ::headdesk:: Obviously even when I read the books I didn't catch it, but I am going to blame that on the fact that before I read any of the books, I saw HP & The Prisoner of Azkaban, which hooked me, and I borrowed all of my #1 Boy's books and brought them home with me to read. I devoured them so quickly that I just must have skimmed over a lot of stuff! I don't know what it is about Snape, but as long as Alan Rickman is in that costume, he makes the girlybits quite happy! I'm not sure what it says about me that I get all hot and bothered by an evil one, and I've not seen him in anything else that makes me wanna just knock him over and have my wicked way with him, but whooeeeee! Maybe it's the hair… I LOVES me some long hair. Not that Jason Isaacs ever did it for me, even with all that hair as Lucious Malfoy, but then he was purely evil, and there was something just, umm, FREAKY about that bleached out white hair.

My little outside kitties are doing well. The kittens will come and eat if I'm sitting on the step, and they'll come up on the patio when I'm sitting out there. Mind you, they don't get within touching distance on the patio, but they don't run and hide where I can't see them. They will go under the deck, where they can see me, and I can see them, and I'm ok with that. This weekend I'm going to get my friend's trap and try to get mama trapped so I can have her spayed before she gets knocked up again! I have determined that the little creamy one with the points is a girl, and the little grey one is a boy. The tuxedo I can't tell for sure, but I'm leaning toward boy.

I think that's about it for tonite. I need to get better about this blogging thing, and perhaps with a little more work, I can manage that. I should really be doing more organizing of the stuff at my house. I think tomorrow I'm tackling the media room and getting stuff re-sorted so that when I get the storage room cleaned out I can put stuff that goes in there away.

Letter

I could just write this and not post it, but I'm kind of hoping that actually writing it will be cathartic, and probably on some level, that perhaps it might be read by the one to whom it is addressed, though I figure that's pretty unlikely. I have spent months trying to convince my heart to just give it up. I've come up with all sorts of reasons defending you and your inability or unwillingness to just come clean about the real reason you "don't have an interest in dating anybody right now." It's been 10 months since you told me that. I have spent time beating myself up about why I am not good enough to be loved by you. Why I am not good enough to be half as important to you as any of your other friends. I've been sucked in, repeatedly, by your desire to be in electronic contact every morning and evening, and allowed myself to believe that it meant you gave a damn about me, and that it might eventually lead to you caring as much about me as I care about you. Instead of listening to my brain that kept saying "don't be an idiot, he's not ever going to give a shit about you. If he really gave a flying fuck about you, he would actually TALK to you, instead of just IM or text" No, I had to listen to my heart that kept trying to convince me otherwise. And my friends who, much as they love me and thought they were doing the right thing, kept encouraging me to read things the way I WANTED them to be. I see now that I've wasted the last 10 months deluding myself, and that it has nothing to do with me, and it has nothing to do with you needing to deal with demons from your past. Your heart belongs to someone else, who is, I suspect, as unavailable to you as you are to me, though since you don't ever actually talk to me, I don't know the whole story. I would say that I don't care what the story is, but that's a lie, mostly because I hate not knowing what's going on, even if what's going on makes me sick at my stomach, as it did that Sunday in May. I am sure that there are those, probably you included, who will say "he told you months ago where he stood, he's been open and honest about that." That's all well and good, but you know what, the only men other than co-workers that I have been in contact with on a semi-scheduled basis have been those with whom I was involved in a romantic relationship. My "just friends" guy friends and I talk a few times a week, at best, certainly not twice a day, or more. It seemed important to you to say goodnight each night. I know I've been an idiot about this whole thing, and I hope that I've learned my lesson. Don't worry, I'll leave you alone. You won't have to worry about greeting me or including me in the conversation anymore. I'll find other things to do with my time than spend it with our friends when you are spending time with them.

Decisions, decisions

I have been unemployed now for 7 weeks. Now, in today's economy, I realize that's a relatively short time, and while I could probably find something to occupy myself if I didn't NEED to work to support myself, I'm rapidly tiring of not working. I truly enjoy working in the construction industry. Back in 2000, when a temp agency I'd worked a few short term jobs for called me and asked me about working on a construction site, I was perfectly happy to try something new. The warning that they included about the fact that it would be on a job site, and well, construction workers have a bit of a reputation for being crude, rough, and sexist, didn't phase me, since I grew up with brothers, and I long ago learned to handle myself when I need to. I found my groove in that job. In the last 9 years, I've worked on both the general contractor and the subcontractor side. I can't really say that I like one or the other better, though I suspect that the experience I've had on the subcontractor side will help me work better on the GC side. I've been debating for a year or so, taking some classes toward certification that could make me more marketable in the industry, and increase my earning potential. There are 3 programs in the area. 1 is through a "satellite" sort of campus of a "university" in another state. I am a bit wary of such programs, especially those that suddenly pop up with multiple campuses in a specific area in a relatively short time, and advertise through SPAM. The second is through Northlake College, which is part of the Dallas County Community College. Thisn option would garner the same classes as the third option, because they are affiliated, at a more affordable rate, and the option to make payments on the courses, rather than having to come up with all of the money at once. The drawback is that the end result is an Associate of Applied Science, which seems, at least to me, a few steps backward, since I've already got my BA. I suppose that positives to this option include that several of the requirements for graduation I've already completed as they were required for my BA. I will have to retake College Algebra, which should be interesting, since I hate math, and the last time around I took the D and was happy because it did get me my 3 hours credit for graduation. The 3rd option is through the Construction Education Foundation, and while that would lead to a certificate, the costs are higher than Northlake, and not all of the courses are available both places, and it's a pay it all up front sort of situation. If I lived in reasonable driving distance Houston (let's just say HELL NO), Beaumont (again, HELL NO), San Marcos (DITTO), Lubbock, San Antonio, College Station, or Commerce, I could enroll at one of the universities in TX that offer a Bachelor's or more in Construction Management, but alas, I don't, and I have no desire to relocate right now, so that blows that option. Tomorrow I will look into getting more information from the coordinator of the program at Northlake, as I think he should be able to tell me something about both programs, since they are associated. Off to bed. Oh, and I haven't forgotten about sharing my adventures at Sterling, I was just too wiped out when I got home to get it together and posted, and today my brain was all focused on this school thing.

BEAT IT

All of you people who just can't go past the death of Michael Jackson need to MOVE ON! I mean, seriously people, sure he was an icon. 20 FREAKING YEARS AGO! In the recent past, he has become a pathetic, androgenous freak of modern medicine. Sure, he had an abusive childhood, so did the rest of his siblings, but holy cow people, the rest of them have GROWN UP and become responsible adults, and tried to provide a loving, NORMAL life for their children. Or at least they've managed to keep their oddities quiet and out of the news. I am so tired of seeing stories about "the latest" information regarding his death, his will, his children's future, and now "FINAL VIDEO recorded as he rehearsed for his upcoming tour". WHO GIVES A RATS ASS? I sure don't, and pretty much neither does anyone else I know. The "King of Pop" died YEARS ago, before the "vitiligo" or skin bleaching or whatever caused his skin to fade from the brown that God made to the ultimately sallow grey that it became, before he had a cleft in his chin and did whatever else he had done that ultimately made him look like a non-asian geisha with a jeri-curl hairdo. Personally, I'm much more touched by the death of Mollie Sugden and Farrah Fawcett. The news of Mollie Sugden's death kinda made me miss my mother. Bless her heart, I'm not sure that her uptight, and well, prudish, self found Mrs. Slocombe's references to her cat funny for the same reasons that most of the rest of us did, but together we spent a lot of time laughing at her. Incidentally, I had just a couple of days earlier, updated my Amazon wish list to include all of the Are You Being Served series! Meanwhile, it's been a busy week around here, and frankly, I didn't get accomplished all that I had intended to finish before my weekend in NY, but that's how it goes sometimes. Hopefully, by the time I get home, there will be news about the interview I had last week, and I'll be gainfully employed again! I've also decided that I am going to take some classes this fall. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to pay for it, but I will figure it out. There are several courses available that I think will be very beneficial in furthering my career in my chosen field. I know that there is a program through DCCCD, which would cost me a little more than going to TCC, but a couple of the classes aren't available through TCC. Off to bed

Hump Day

Wednesday has rolled around again. It's been a busy couple of days, between working on my resume and getting some cover letters drafted, and trying to finish updating my Itunes, since it's been around 6 months since I last synced the Ipod. I did discover, however, that in my transfer of data, I somehow lost about 25 albums. I have the original discs from most of them, but am going to have to hund for a few, which is always annoying, as I am sooo organized. *umm, yeah, NOT* This afternoon, Snipe tweeted with a tattoo link and I just HAD to make with the clickyclicky. Yes, I have ink. I have 4, at the moment. There are a couple of others that I have in mind, however, since I've no idea where to put them, they aren't part of the collection yet. That being said, I have certain rules for my ink.

1. I must be able to see it without a mirror
2. I must be able to show it easily without risk of being arrested for indecent exposure
3. I must be able to hide it easily
4. It must not be where it is likely to migrate as I age
5. It must not be where it is likely to develop stretch marks
6. I will not get a new one between the end of March and the end of September, as it's too likely to get sunburned too soon

My first is a small yellow rose on my toe. Well, it's not particularly yellow anymore, but I don't really care. The conversation with the artist went like this:

Artist: Are you sure you don't want red? It would show up better Me: I am from TEXAS, why the HELL would I want a red rose instead of yellow? I've been planning this tattoo for 15 years Artist: I can't guarantee how long the yellow will last, it fades pretty quickly Me: That's fine, I understand that, I will know that it's yellow

My second is a ladybug. I was ready for another tat, I think ladybugs are cute, and there it is. That one does need to be recolored, but I suspect it's a result of wearing socks and boots over it too soon after I had it done.

My third breaks rule #1, but ironically, has the most profound meaning for me, and once I finished working out the basic design, which I then forwarded to an artist for tweaking before he applied it, I just knew that it belonged between my shoulderblades. It is a celtic triskele and various stages of a hackberry butterfly.

My fourth is part of a matched set, it's twin is on my BFFs right calf, and mine is on my right. We'd talked for years about doing something to match, and last year on Mother's Day weekend, we went to my artist and had the bagpipes done. They aren't identical, but they are very close, as we are, and we celebrated 21 years of friendship that spring.

Ironically, shortly before I read the tweet, I had read this article about a young woman in Belgium who FELL ASLEEP while having her FACE tattooed. Allegedly, she wanted 3 stars on her forehead, and woke up with 56 on her face. UMM, ok, how the HELL do you fall asleep when you are getting inked? I mean, seriously people, it HURTS! I can only imagine how painful a facial tat would be! Weird folks out there, I suppose.

KITTENS & Other Ramblings

A few days ago, noticed a mama cat in my back yard with a couple of kittens. Now, if you ask me, there's not much that's cuter than tiny little kittens romping, so of course I had to grab my camera. I took a few shots from inside the house, but being the cat person that I am, I just HAD to go outside. As long as I stayed on the patio, they eyed me warily, but didn't run to hide.

When I started to get a little closer, 2 of the kittens got inside some cinderblocks that are stacked on the platform at the back of my small shed, while the 3rd went to the side of the shed that's at the back of the yard, where it butts up near the fence. Mama went over to the corner behind the big shed. When I put my camera above the cinderblocks, the little grey kitten got quite ferocious, as I heard the tiniest little HISS coming from that opening.

Headed for safety You can't see us. Can you?? I'm sooo sleeeepy

Yesterday on my way home from running a few errands, I picked up some kitten chow, and when I went out to put it where they could get to it, Mama did lots of hissing, and stayed between the babies and me, but by the time I was back inside the house, she was gobbling down the food. Pretty soon the Tuxedo joined her, and in a few minutes, here came Grey. I never saw Creamy eating that day, other than nursing. Before they left the dish, they'd eaten every bite, and Mama had turned the dish over to make sure it was empty. This morning that scenario was repeated.

Naptime! Look at those little black toe pads!

This evening, I took out a different bowl, that is better suited to feeding and watering kittens. I saw everybody eat some, including Creamy, and there's still a pretty good bit left in the bowl. Perhaps Mama's decided that I won't take away what doesn't get eaten. They've moved from between the sheds to under the pool deck, which is closer to the food, and the kittens can get to the food without having to go across any of the open lawn, so I'm guessing that maybe she feels more secure there.

I have emailed Feral Friends and am hoping to work with them to trap all 4, socialize the kittens, have everybody spayed/neutered, and adopt out everyone who is deemed adoptable. I have a friend interested in Creamy, and another interested in Tuxedo, which just leaves Mama & Grey. I suspect, based on how quickly Mama seems to have accepted my presence, that she's a first generation feral, and I think she's not more than a year old, so perhaps she can be socialized (separately from her kittens) and be adopted as well, but we shall have to wait and see.

Tomorrow may be traumatic for everybody, as my landlord is coming to pump water off the cover of the pool, and in the evening I have friends coming over for a cookout. Hot as it is, though, I suspect that the only time there will be very many outside will be while we are actually cooking, and the 3 or 4 smokers will be in and out, I'm sure, but we are all animal people, and most of us familiar with ferals so I think we'll be able to ignore them and Mama won't freak out or anything.

My morning was a busy one, as I had to be in Arlington at 11 for a sorority meeting. It was my last meeting for awhile, as I've decided that I need to take a leave of absence. Beta Sigma Phi has been good for me, and frankly is largely the reason that I am the person that I am today. In 1990, when I pledged, I was 23, introverted, and had some self esteem issues. Seriously, when we were told to think about which offices we might be interested in, the following went through my head: "OK, President is out because I'm not pretty enough. Vice President is out because, well, that entails calling people I don't know and inviting them to a meeting NOT! Treasurer is out because I'm a math moron" I decided that I could be a pretty good secretary, whether it be Recording or Corresponding. Every time I had to call roll and read the minutes, I shook like a leaf, and was pretty sure my voice sounded all shaky. When it was my turn to lead the program, I thought I might faint. I spent a little over a year in that chapter before I moved away. It was several months before I found another chapter, but that is the chapter in which I blossomed. I think perhaps part of it was that I was the only chapter member (aside from our 2 Advisors) that had experienced Beta Sigma Phi from the standpoint of a member, rather than a legacy, as well as being the oldest (by a year or two) in the chapter, so the ladies looked to me for leadership. By the time I left that chapter several years later, my absolute favorite office to hold (and I'd held all of them by then) was Vice President, because I believed in the organization and what it stands for, and I loved being able to share it. I was not involved for several years, partially because of the circumstances under which I left, and partially because I had enough other stuff going on that I didn't feel I could devote the time that I felt I should. A few years ago notified International that I thought I would like to be involved again, and they put me on the transferee list that is sent to chapters in the area. I received calls from a couple of chapters in town and visited both. The first one I knew one of the ladies, because we'd been next door neighbors when I was living with Mom, and after she died, while I was still in her house. Unfortunately, at that time, she was the youngest in that chapter, and she was 15 years or so older than I am. The other chapter I visited had a wide age range, and I discovered that one of the ladies also enjoys Scarborough Faire. I joined that chapter and enjoyed it very much for several years. Like all groups of women, we had our fair share of drama and issues. Over the years, it seemed to escalate and I started feeling that most people were going along with what one or two wanted just to keep the peace. A few people transferred to another chapter in the area that they felt would better meet their needs, for whatever reasons. I stuck it out, probably longer than I should have, but last year, when I moved to my current house, I found myself about 15 miles from my nearest sorority sister, and easily an hour from the one who is the farthest from me. Gradually it became a chore for me to make it to meetings, and eventually, I was having to choose between making a meeting and getting up and making it to work the next day. My Leave of Absence is not a full and complete departure from the chapter, but rather a hiatus. I think that if I elect not to become active after a year's leave, I become a Member at Large. We'll see how I feel in 6 months or a year.

A couple of years ago, one of my sorority sisters introduced me the the International Wenches Guild and a whole new group of friends that have become very much like family to me. Now, if not for Beta Sigma Phi, I would not only have the confidence that I have, but I would not have found the IWG. Since I became a wench, I have again blossomed, and have really come to fully appreciate myself and all of my quirks.

that's enough random musing I think for tonite. Tomorrow's a busy day