One of a Million

On Veteran's Day, much like Memorial Day, the 4^th of July, and other patriotic holidays, I'm reminded of how lucky I am. I'm an Army brat, a child of the Vietnam era. I was several months old before I met my father, because he was doing his tour in 1967 when I was born, and as I understand it, returned in early 1968 to the States. I know what it's like to be an officer's kid, living on base, and moving regularly. I don't however, know what it's like to have a parent in a war zone.
As I've gotten older, I've come to see my father for who/what he is, an unhappy & negative person. I accepted long ago that he is who he is, and he's not going to change. He's never been a "dad", who was involved with us, except for a few months after he and my mom separated. Some of that may be a generational thing. Some of it may be the fact that his own father was in the military and gone much of his childhood. I don't know, and ultimately it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. When I was very small, I'm told, I didn't like to play games with him because I knew he didn't play fair. His approval means nothing to me, and I long ago stopped trying to get it. I approve of me, and that's what's important. He's missed out on a lot over the years, and it's his loss, because I'm an awesome person, but he'll never get to know that since I refuse to draw him, along with his negativity and drama into my world. I told him long ago that I forgave him for the pain that his actions and attitudes have caused, and I have. I wish him peace and happiness in his remaining years, but in order for me to maintain MY peace and happiness, his will NEVER include me. I see him occasionally, and we've got a sort of peace at those times, as it's much more important to me that whichever nephew or niece is celebrating knows that I love them more than I want to avoid him, but I think he's finally given up and is respecting my request that he not contact me at all.
While I used to wish I had one of those dads who is at all of the games, recitals, or whatever the celebration might be, I know that I am much more blessed than many of my generation, because my father came home from Vietnam, and I had the opportunity to know him, and to form an opinion of him based on personal experience, rather than just stories and photographs.
On this day when we honor those who have served, and those who currently serve, I hope you'll take a moment, as you are thanking them, to thank; offer a prayer, good thoughts, or a hug to their family members, who are left behind for months at a time, never knowing when they'll speak or see their loved one again. Military children are often single parented much of their lives. They deserve an extra hug, any day of the week, because they may have to make the ultimate sacrifice, with no choice in the matter.

Utterly Astounding

Now, I am the first to admit that as a non-parent, I am hardly qualified to give parenting advice, however as a law-abiding, generally rule-following member of our society, who has been a major part of the lives of multiple children, related to me either by blood, or by love, I consider that I AM qualified to make a couple of observations about this situation with a 4 year old PreKindergartener who is, according to his parents, being persecuted and discriminated against because of his hairstyle. There are literally hundreds, possibly thousands of stories out there on the internet about it… My Google search, yielded 30,000 hits.
Over the last few months, I have read several articles, mostly from the Dallas Morning News and Fort Worth Star Telegram, with regard to the situation. In the past, most of them included statements to the fact that the child has Native American heritage, and wants to wear his hair long in the Native tradition, and I'm fairly certain, that at one point, I also read that his father also wears his hair long. Today's stories, however, state that his father, a tattoo artist, used to keep his head shaved, but agreed to grow it out, along with the child, who "wants to grow it out and donated it to an organization that makes wigs for children…" Seriously people? A FOUR YEAR OLD? And the Native American heritage? Yeah, that's clearly important to the family since none of his 3 brothers have long hair, nor did Daddy until allegedly the child wanted to grow his out. I have known my share of VERY bright 4 year olds, however NONE of them have come up with an idea like growing out their hair to donate it to charity on their own. Judging from the length of his hair, this driving urge to have long locks is a relatively recent development, or else it would have been beyond the length deemed excessive by the district well before the end of October. Their "effort" to conform to the part of the rule that says boys' hair must be kept out of their eyes is to put his hair in a ponytail, ON TOP OF HIS HEAD! I wouldn't put my 4 year old DAUGHTER'S hair in that whale-spout ponytail on top of her head, much less my son's! Do they really think that it's a good compromise? His mother claims that braiding or cornrowing his hair makes his scalp bleed. UMM… what the HELL? I have done and seen my share of cornrows and tight braids over the years, and I have never seen or heard of them causing scalp bleeding.

We live in a society in which children and many of the young adults have both a sense of entitlement, and a belief that either the rules don't apply to them, or that they don't have to be followed if they are unpopular. It is parenting such as this that has bred this generation of kids. "Why Junior, the world does INDEED revolve around you, therefore, you are above the rules, go right ahead and express yourself, with no regard to anyone or anything else." Don't get me wrong, I know some AWESOME kids, who are willing to obey the rules, work hard for what they earn, and have learned to express their individuality WITHIN the boundaries prescribed by society/school districts/parents. Unfortunately, the longer I am unemployed, the more time I am out in public places other than an office environment, and the more instances I see of ill-mannered, spoiled, lazy, and unruly children. Now, I know full well that it is NOT always the parents' fault that the kid turns out to be lazy, ill-mannered, lazy, or unruly. I share living space with one such kid, who is legally, an adult. Since returning to the household, soon after I joined it, well, it's been one thing after another, all boiling down to a lack of respect for other people and the rules (in this case, of the household).

I honestly believe that these parents are looking for their 15 minutes of fame, at the cost of their child's education, and rather than seeing this situation as an excellent learning opportunity, they are teaching him to have a total disregard for the rules that have been in place, and have been working for a great many years. So far, because his parents believe that the rules shouldn't apply to him he has been exposed to:

1. Isolation from his friends and peers at school
2. Negative attention, and I would venture to say ridicule from around the world
3. The idea that he doesn't have to follow rules he does not like.

Never mind the fact that the taxpayers have had to pony up an extra $30/day for the teacher's aide to "teach" him in isolation. I believe that if your child is so very bright at 4 years old that he can come up with the whole growing his hair out to pay tribute to his heritage, and to ultimately donate to charity, he doesn't particularly NEED the additional instruction that taxpayer-funded pre-Kindergarten programs provide.
That's my rant for tonight. I could have posted about it weeks ago, but, well, just didn't get around to it.

Keep in Mind:
Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door – Dr. Laura Schlessinger

A New Dawning

It’s a momentous day in the United States. I’m not sure that it’s the one that I will never forget, since there are things like the Challenger explosion, 9-11, and the Columbia explosion that are burned into my memory, however it is certainly to be included on the list of the most memorable days of my life. I am a child of Texas. I am a military brat. I have no memory of being particularly aware of skin color when I was young. I can remember my younger brother describing other kids as that light brown, or dark brown, boy or girl. Honestly, I don’t remember who they were, nor do I have any idea of their ethnicity, other than they were probably darker skinned than we were. I was 3 when we moved overseas, to Athens, Greece. We went to school at Ursuline Academy, the only American school in our area. As we were all military or diplomatic children, we were an eclectic mix, as best I recall. When I was almost 8, we moved back to the States, to a major Army base in the Midwest. We all went to school together, on the base, again, an eclectic mix. When we left the military a couple of years later, we returned to Texas. Our home was in a relatively average, middle class neighborhood in a suburb of Dallas. By the time that I graduated from high school, I had attended 4 elementary schools, middle school, and 3 high schools in 4 cities. That’s a LOT of kids that I encountered. If you went down a list of names from all of those schools, aside from names that are clearly ethnic, whether first or surnames, I could probably identify as definitely black or African-American, ummm 5 people. I didn’t grow up seeing skin color as a means of identification. As a 5th generation Texan, it might be presumed that I might have been taught differently. Racial differences were truly irrelevant in our house. Racial slurs or jokes were not tolerated. Nonetheless, I was truly not sure that a minority of my generation would become president. I never doubted that I would see a minority President in my lifetime, I simply didn’t dream that it would be a man (or woman) of my generation. It makes me wonder what my mother and grandmother would have thought. I have no doubt that they would have been proud of the selection, whether they particularly agreed with it. We have an incredible opportunity to see a new dawning in America. We are now led by a common man, who has achieved uncommon things. I believe he is in a unique position to truly understand and empathize with a much broader cross-section of the US population than most of his predecessors, certainly most of those in my memory. He has gotten to where he is through hard work and honesty, rather than through the accident of birth into a wealthy, politically active family. I think, perhaps, I identify more strongly with him than I would have identified with a woman in the same position. Throughout the election process, I have been pretty quiet about which direction I was leaning, largely because I abhor conflict and just didn’t want to engage in arguments about who is right and who is wrong. This is America, we each are allowed to have an opinion, and express it, without fear of retribution. I have my opinion, which may or may not agree with yours, and I may not like yours, but I will respect it. All I ask is that you respect mine. You don’t have to like President Obama, but you do owe him the respect that is due our legally elected and sworn leader. I, for one, am looking forward to the coming weeks and months. I have no idea how well he will adhere to campaign promises or how closely he will follow the ideals he set forth in an eloquent and inspiring inaugural address. I hope that he will be able to follow through as much as possible, and I believe that he will do so to the best of his abilities. I pray that he will receive the guidance he needs to be successful, and to unify our amazing country, and work toward the most beneficial resolution to the conflicts that he has inherited with his inauguration, and move us forward into this new era of responsibility.